Theatre of


February 2nd

Zombie Shakespeare Ted


List of performers:

  1. Ron
  2. Greg Gelder   
  3. Mike Norris
  4. Klaussio
  5. Tinz
  6. Mindy Ryba
  7. Shea
  8. Tux Guy
  9. PickleJar
  10. Kevin
  11. Jeff Helenthal
  12. Pete Guither
  13. Adam
  14. RJ
  15. CJ Tuor

Underlines denote first time performers.

Approximate running time:



Number of Pieces:

12... kindof



40 people at best


Host Notes:

Know this, any misspellings or lack of capilowlisations are things I don’t care about. Also bad grammering.

            This theatre of Ted was a very special one indeed. I knew that the hopes of theatergoers across America had recently been dashed due to the zombie apocalypse that America was currently enduring, so I decided to show everyone that proper theatre would never die. So I found some young, talented zombies to perform scenes from Shakespeare’s plays. I might say they were amazing, but that would be an understatement. The first scene of Romeo and Juliet with Zombie Tinz and Mindy went off without a hitch, and so Theatre of TED started with a glorious excitement.

            The first piece of the night was Ron with “New text document 6.” Ron explained that he had been having trouble thinking of a piece and only had about 8 pieces of 1/8 of a piece’s length. That sentence was hard to write. Anyway, Ron told us about all of the pieces and they all sounded very interesting. The synopsis of each are as follows: burn ward drama, a redo of his first ever ted act, a skit about a dorm plague that turned people into zombies (probably was too obvious given the zombie apocalypse), pop culture cliff notes, an apology, D7 story corner, mad libs the movie, and carousel of failures. Any of those could have been cool.

            The next act was another zombie Shakespeare piece. It was the “do you bite your thumb at me” scene. It was great. After that, we all sang happy birthday to greg.

            Next was Shea with a piece about not having sex for a year. She questioned whether tears were good lube, and its clear that she has thought a lot about sex. She misses it. She then made herself into a kissing booth. It was sexy or something.

            Tux guy came up next with a demon doll. He said something about diarrhea explosions, then picklejar faked the lottery numbers to ones that tux guy had, and picklejar was very funny. I don’t remember the message, but it was probably something about me.

            Kevin came next and did a poem about a golden baby. Then he did a poem about a carnivorous feast. I don’t remember them well, but I remember I enjoyed them quite a bit.

            Zombie Jeff came up next and did the to be or not to be monologue. It was so funny to me.

            Pete came up next and talked about the first ted host (Brendan Hunt) and how awesome he is and how he is coming down for the fine arts fest. (unfortunately, since this piece was performed, we have found that he wont be coming down until next year. He signed on to do a movie, which is awesome for him!)

            Adam came up next and performed for his first time! He played stairway to heaven on guitar and had a cute little hip amp. I thought it was adorable, and the guitar playing weren’t too bad neither.

            Then mindy and tinz came up and did another zombie R and J scene. It was the balcony scene. It was zombtastic.

            RJ and CJ then came up and reenacted the day that they poorly jumped a car battery. It was very long and kindof boring, but I enjoyed it because it was very real. They googled it and then they did it. It was awesome.

            Then, Greg came up and did a very nontraditional zombie impression whilst doing a very profound Ceasar monologue. It was really good.

            Lastly, CJ and Shea resolved their problems of sex by buying one of my dolls. Commodore then accused me of doing this entire ted for a plug of my own dolls, then I opened my riverside Shakespeare to a page that happened to have a very relevant monologue that I just happened to read. It was extremely coincidental and made me look awesome.

At the end of the night, a lot of fun was had. The zombies doing Shakespeare were very good and probably seemed like it was something much deeper. It wasn’t, but it sure was stupid. With that, I said:

Theatre of Ted Enthusiastic Applause!

Performance pieces: 

  1. Ron – new text document 6
  2. zombie greg, mike, klaussio – scene from R and J
  3. Shea – a very special day
  4. Tux Guy and picklejar – lottery winner
  5. Kevin – 2 poems
  6. Zombie Jeff Helenthal – Hamlet
  7. Pete – The past comes in the future
  8. Adam – Stairway to Heaven
  9. Zombie tinz and mindy - R and J balcony scene
  10. RJ and CJ – “Men”
  11. Zombie greg – Julius Caesar



Piece of the week:

Kevin – 2 poems – that golden baby one especially

 Dare to Suck Award:

Adam – Stairway to heaven

Jaw Dropper:

 Shea thinking about but not having sex for a year.

Super secret Hidden Theme*:

Dropping character.

*Hidden themes are the unintentional repetition of something throughout the TED of that week.