Theatre of


Saturday October 6, 2007

“Keith is tired so Commodore hosts”

List of performers:
1.            Ron - (not sure if this was his first performance)
2.            Chris
3.            Pete
4.            Tuxedo Guy
5.            Lisa
6.            Robbie and Tom
7.            Ian
8.            Commodore
9.            Joshua Schafernack
10.          Klausio
11.          RJ
12.          Kevin
13.          Gregg brown
14.          cloud
15.          Stephanie
16.          Jeff
17.          Keith

Underlines denote Ted virgins. Or who I think was a Ted Virgin
Approximate running time:
1 hour 30 minutes

Number of Pieces:

Exactly 80

Host Notes:
Know this, any misspellings or lack of capilowlisations are things I don’t care about. Also bad grammer.

This week Ted had a special theme. I was a little too tired to host, so I just tried to go to sleep during the entire thing. Thankfully, Commodore (Mike Norris) helped me out and both coordinated the acts while coming up with various attempts to put me to sleep. After we made a bed for me and almost got me to sleep, Commodore yelled Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic applause! And then I woke up when everyone cheered.
              Unfortunately for me and my desire for sleep, there were a lot of good acts at this Ted.
               We started out the night with Ron and his speech at the nonexistent meeting of the secret brotherhood of the red shadow. There were a lot of great nerd specifics in his piece, along with a lot of cool word play. It was only enhanced by his “surfer dude” sort of talk, and he topped it off with the announcement of the “I love the secret brotherhood of the red shadow” facebook group. Awesome piece.
               Chris came up next and talked about how his little brother was homecoming king. So we all called him and left him a voicemail. It was really sweet, but it WOKE ME UP!!!
               Pete came next with an announcement about Tommy and Ted Chicago. Commodore noted that Pete is awesome because when he talks, we listen. He is like a mystic uncle.
               Tux guy Ron sweeny came up next and woke me up and made me happy.
               Lisa galloped on stage next. I don’t remember this act because I was tired, and all commodore wrote was “sad life, but makes it funny? I’ll say hi to her soon. Brother changed for breaking into own house”
               Robbie and tom then talked about piĖatas and tried to kill each other. Robbie had a guitar filled with candy that was smashed over his head. Shards flew at me. I woke up. Boo.
               Ian then talked about how there was 4square before and after ted.
               Commodore then went up and described the theatre of ted drinking game. Of course, this game can never actually be played with alcohol because no alcohol is allowed in a school building and Theatre of Ted is in no way connected to this game. Here are the rules.
Drink any time
1.            ian changes his hair,
2.            time someone plays and acoustic guitar
3.            time that person asks if they should play another song
4.            time there is a new performer
5.            there is a punch line to a joke and nobody responds
6.            someone bursts out in laughter
7.            there is an announcement
8.            a drunk signs up for a piece
9.            keith says keith
10.          castellvi says fuck
11.          jeff does something with his body that you cant do with yours
12.          pete dislikes the government
13.          someone blanks halfway through their piece
14.          a ted piece lasts less than a minute
15.          CJ mentions that he doesn’t do something that normal people do.

Note: at some point in this ted, Ian changed his hair. It was awesome.
               Josh did some standup next. Commodore wrote “does he have an eye patch? Nope. Sunglasses. Is a virgin. Sex with child geniuses. Prick check! Clean up on aisle sorority girl! Sex with Jesus? No.” I think that tells a lot about that piece.
               Klausio talked about his rough shower experience of the day. Its ok though. He’s gonna make it.

                               Then Chris kissed me to try to get me to sleep.
 Also, somewhere in there I had ladies give me massages and had the audience sing me a song.  It was nice, but I didn’t fall asleep.

               RJ came up and did some awesome magic next! He did some awesome tricks that would have been really impressive if he had gotten our cards right. It was great though!
               Kevin did a poem letter to Mr. Peanut next. It was so smart, so short, and so good. Commodore wrote I (heart) you.
               Gregg Brown then did some music. Commodore wrote “I (heart) you too. The who? Fantastic. I can see for miles in your eyes.”
               Cloud then did a response piece to fiorelli’s piece from the previous week. It involved her screaming really good things angrily. It was confusing. Angry but adorable as commodore said. He also said god-fucking-damnit.
               Stephanie came up next and commodore had this to say about her piece “she didn’t shower. Got a virus. FUCK! Bitches bitch. Neanderthals braid armpit hair. Inspiring. Let’s all scream! Keith is upset.”
               Jeff then did a poem that assembled lines of dialogue from every piece of the night. It was awesome. Everyone loved it and smiles were abound. Commodore said “THIS FUCKING ROCKS!”
               Then I, Keith, decided to get up and perform. I just wanted to say in response to Stephanie’s piece, that Neanderthals didn’t eat babies. I know. I am in human origins. Although the teacher has never said it straight out, given the evolution of man from an ancient ape, and the way males in different points of history have behaved, and the fact that modern humans have the most dedicated males of any other mammal in terms of child rearing, I am pretty positive that Neanderthals, the human like species that originated from a more recent common ancestor than humans and chimps, did in fact not eat babies.
               Then Ted ended with smiles abound. And I went home to go to real bed. I thanked everyone for their attempts to put me to sleep, and said Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic applause!

Performance pieces:
1.            Ron - the secret brotherhood of the Red Shadow
2.            Chris - king bogue
2.            Pete - announcement
3.            Tuxedo Guy - keith is great
4.            Lisa - sayin hi
5.            Robbie and tom - history of pi?ata
6.            Ian - an announcement
7.            Commodore - a game
8.            Joshua Schafernack - stand up
9.            Klausio - my shower
10.          RJ - magic
11.          Kevin - a poem
12.          Gregg brown - music lesson
13.          cloud - a response
14.          Stephanie - primal scream
15.          Jeff - poem of ted
16.          Keith - a response


Piece of the week:
Jeff with Poem of Ted

Dare to Suck Award:
Klaussio with My shower

Jaw Dropper:
Chris and I kissing

Super secret Hidden Theme*:
The audience yelling and Chris liking dudes

*Hidden themes are the unintentional repetition of something throughout the TED of that week.