Theatre of


Saturday September 30

“You host Ted”

Aka, this was a disaster.


List of performers:

  1. Tux guy
  2. CJ
  3. Shee
  4. Anthony fiorelli
  5. amy sarah
  6. bridget Thomas
  7. Emily bowling
  8. gregg brown
  9. Robbie bersano
  10. dave ruthenberg
  11. paul
  12. Kevin
  13. Keith Habersberger
  14. mitch
  15. lisa
  16. chris
  17. bill
  18. tom
  19. tinz
  20. commodore



Underlines denote ted virgins.

Approximate running time:

What felt like an eternity


Number of Pieces:






Host Notes:

Know this, any misspellings or lack of capilowlisations are things I don’t care about. Also bad grammer.

Also, know this, tonight, ted was hosted by a series of volunteers. They all took the notes, and I wrote verbatim what was in my notebook. I am so sorry.


Here goes nothing.


Tonight… this evening at ted, we are fortunate enough to finally have ted. Talent is epitomized in the random guest host of everyone host ted. Keith has opened with a pitiful explanation of why his ted lacks a theme. Although lame at best, upon tommy’s 10 out of 12 the audience kindly graciously accepts his proposal.


As audience members eagerly… no wait… viciously proceed to keith, we begin with… enthusiastic applause.


  1. tux guy, one and only, new chair.
  2. what are you thinking? shee and elmer, apparently CJ tour is hairy, hairy CJ equals abe Lincoln (uncanny) OMG. Abe Lincoln sketch. Cj’s mom said “we should have Abe as prez because then someone he sent in office. Cant wait to see more.
  3. Anthony fiorelli. He decided to write a poem called “cheers” I hope its about the TV show. We don’t hear much anymore about shelly long, she was Dianne from cheers. She was also in the money pit by tom hanks. I just recently watched tom Hank’s movie Philadelphia on TV. It’s a good movie with a strong message about aids. Does magic Johnson still have aids? I really liked that mad TV sketch. Well Anthony just yelled blood. That’s like the shining, what a good connection. Anthony and the shining.
  4. broken G string. I taught them guitar. Evidently it was traumatizing. “nice host notes brie” Bangles out of the way. dare to suck nominee (written in by someone else)
  5. so Mr. asks everyone to jam decided to… ask everyone to jam. The ted audience is thoroughly excited. Doing a soulful tribal piece he started his ted performance using the drum as his constant steady rythem. The audience found themselves in a peaceful trance.
  6. Robbie decided he wanted sing. From a eeup song from a cd he had a neat Charleston dance – sucet dance wows everyone 6e6 wasu + hese should be sad. Heiy missed it.
  7. parte t abe Lincoln or linkin is really gay. But mary todd (crazy bitch) doesn’t believe him and convinces her that she is in fact a crazy bitch.
  8. dave ruthenberg. Fully bearded man talks on about jelly beans while I waited to go back in my acoma because he was so boring yet he humored me and got others to laugh. And yet he still talked about beans. Because he obysess with beans and people who eat them in pews. Eat me eat me now. big beans small beans, he talked about. Then all as he clenched his fists and standing a new era of bean eras with a small bean that he spee he wondered if he would be in trouble for aiding and abetting this bean even though he contemplated why he died. Why wasn’t he born a licorish.
  9. part 3 – Lincoln. Four square and seven years ago, the end.
  10. paul takes up several minutes of time unloading his pockets of random as crap as he proceeds to pull random as crap, if skittles from his pocket he elaborates on his pockets and how they are a magical bag of tricks… without further ado his stow. Walmart story. ą slowly took his clothes off for some reason. Sweat jazz herds at the euel. so we go to walmart we hit up the act he section yes! There is no way this sweat die thte box will pit in the tn. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I got bored.
  11. abe Lincoln is a massive slave. Part 4 of abe blinkin began to commence the announce was lurched into the world of sweet raphsody as a tuor as ave dancer acrossed ted’s dance floor the began to awkwardly molest his fellow scene partner. The lights added an additional seizure effect to the scene as the music abruptly ended the scene.
  12. something about candy. Cinnamon roll baked in hell furnace
  13. Robbie Robbie Robbie. Hamburgaler party, oh roetry
  14. dear mitch – Apples? Really? Cool? Question mark? A whole sketch on apples? I commend you. no singing though – don’t quit your day job, of being mitch. Love, Emily.
  15. good idea : kill more cats – Raphael.
  16. HOST NOTES! AJ LOVES KEITH. Cjs performing and shee’s getting naked.

Joan and cleo and cj wont go to prom. Joan and cleo are LEZZIES joan licks CJ for some reason. I failed my Spanish test Friday (AJ) fidel castro (JFK) isnt wearing a shirt. JFK is slutty enough

            JFK wants el naked

CJ aks like a man and kicksufk out

CJ’s confused called joan something. He’s dating joan. What happened to shee? Will jfk become a stripper? Will there be racism?

17. pizza party.



Performance pieces:


1. Tux guy – one and only

2. CJ, shee, and someone else - intro

3. Anthony fiorelli – a poem

4. broken G string quartet

5. gregg brown – songs

6. part 1

7. Robbie bersano – emo

8. part 2

9. dave ruthenberg – a true story

10. part 3

11. paul – whatever

12. part 4

13. keith smelling

14. mitch - test run

15. lisa, chris, bill, tom – hell yeah

16. 60 seconds of pizza

17. part 5



These awards are based off the notes for the pieces. If they were good notes, it was a good piece, and so on.

Notes of the week:

AJ’s notes on Cj’s lincon piece


Dare to Suck at writing notes Award:

The notes on Fiorelli’s piece


Illiteracy award:

Notes 6. and 10.

Super secret Hidden Theme*:

I’ll never do this again.

*Hidden themes are the unintentional repetition of something throughout the TED of that week.