Theatre of


Saturday September 15, 2007

Keith and Chris travel through time to save all the theatre majors from getting drinking tickets.


host notes


List of performers:

  1. Jared Mason
  2. Brian Wohl
  3. Dave Ruthenberg
  4. Gregg Brown
  5. CJ Tuor
  6. SheeÕ
  7. Nick Cardiff
  8. Eirc Thompson
  9. Conor Burke
  10. Robbie Bersano
  11. Greg Gelder
  12. Josh Schafernak
  13. Paul Elders
  14. Marc Muszinski
  15. Katelin Johnson
  16. Pete Guither
  17. Elisa Anderson
  18. Elizabeth Peura
  19. Gina
  20. Kevin Hadsell
  21. Pete Tenuto
  22. Tuxedo Guy (Ron Sweeny)
  23. Annie Rix
  24. AJ Rahm
  25. Chris Bogue
  26. Evan


Underlines denote ted virgins.

Approximate running time:

2 hours


Number of Pieces:




I have no idea. Probably around 80-100 at the beginning.


Host Notes:

Know this, any misspellings or lack of capilowlisations are things I donÕt care about. Also bad grammer.


            The second Ted of the year started off with quite a somber tone. The night before had turned out very poorly for many people as many policemen decided to ticket many underage drinkers. I had planned a very fun opener with just as much intricacy as the previous ted, but I had to throw it away so that Chris Bogue and I could travel through time to try and save everyone from getting tickets.

            KEITH AND CHRIS, ADVENTURES THROUGH Theatre of Ted, enthusiastic applause! So we went back in time, but we didnÕt manage to fix anything. So everyone still has their drinking ticket, and we were stuck with a futuristic theme.

            Thankfully, the pieces didnÕt disappoint anyone tonight, and everyone had lots of fun! The first piece was a quick reminder by Jared about the Ted book! It was awesome!

            Next was BWO (Brian Wohl) with a piece about the high school musical star who has nude photos online. He said if any girls feel the need to send pictures of them naked to someone online and be sure that they wouldnÕt leak, that they could send them to him. Again, BrianÕs email address is Send away ladies!!!

            Third tonight was Dave Ruthenberg with a wonderfully choreographed pseudo sketch and standup bit. It told about the evils of being gay and how to prevent being called gay in a bathroom stall. It was one of the funniest things I have seen at Ted in a while. Kudos to him for performing so well his first time!

            Next was Gregg Brown with some songs on different instruments. I have a feeling this is going to become one of my favorite parts of Ted this year. I love all the really intricately different music that Gregg brings to us. He looks like a hippie, but sings and plays like an angel. And since both hippies and angels bring about peace, I say that I really enjoyed this peace piece.

            Oh heavens that sentence was awful.

            Alright, next up was CJ and Shee with a piece about how CJ doesnÕt have sex.

            After that, Nick Cardiff did a poetry response to a piece from last week about Santa Claus in space or something. I donÕt think Nick liked them, as part of his ending of his sonnet was ÒGet off our fucking stage.Ó I could be wrong though.

            Eric and Conner came up next and talked about fundraising for mirrors and mats for Paul Dennhardt.

            Robbie came up next with a wonderful piece that he performed to Annie Rix. He swooned her with lyrics from the ying yang twins and then said ÒwaitÕll you see my dick.Ó

Man, I really wanted Annie to just jump on his dick.

Greg Gelder then did a piece about masturbating. All I wrote was this. ÒI stopped to laugh, Ass Aficionados.Ó Then I wrote that I couldnÕt handle what he was talking about. I really have no idea what was going on in this piece because I was laughing too hard.

Josh Shafernack came up and did standup next. He is a freshman and he covered the topics of pokemon, love, arson, soccer, then something about Òwhile IÕm bangin her, you shoulda been thereÓ

            Paul came up after him. He didnÕt have a name for his piece, but he talked about blisters. All I wrote was that he looked like he was on cocaine. I am really sorry this is all I wrote, but it is. And I am going to stick by my past decision to write that.

            Then Bwo Came up with marc and talked about Ted Chicago! Check it out on the message boards on the very site that you are reading these host notes!!!!!

            Katelyn, of which I am sure this is not the correct way of spelling her name, came up next to do a very sweet poem. She was nervous, but did a good job all the same.

            Pete came next with some awesome chaos. Everybody had a great amount of awesome things to do and everyone seemed to have fun. I know I did, because I had about 35 people singing Òeverybody loves keith.Ó Because of this piece, I now have a new stupid song to sing with all my pals. Everybody love canker sores and baseball, Everybody loves Keith!

Greg Gelder then came up again to do homework. He took pictures of people for his costuming project.

            Elise Anderson came up after Greg wasted our time and sang a song for her ex boyfriend. Evidently it was written for him but he never got to hear it. Unfortunately I have no idea what it was about because Brian Wohl and Mike Norris were making it very difficult not to watch them.

            Next up was Jared Mason with Manly Mundane Mime. One of my favorite performances of the night entailed Jared miming very commonplace tasks. He did some typing, sweeping, and then he got a soda. Awesome.

            OK, I donÕt know what happened next, but Eliza and Gina decided to do a piece about someone named fuckamuffin and someone didnÕt have shoes, and someone was HitlerÕs name spelled backwards, and it was stupid and fun, but then they threw things and hit people and I just had no idea what was happening ever so I just donÕt know.

            Then Kevin came up and did a poem. It was about summer and koolaid. It was very short, but I always have enjoyed KevinÕs short poems. They are better than a lot of long ones.

            Pete Tenuto sang a song about how he was the best boyfriend that you never had. It was called, ÒThe best boyfriend that you never had.Ó One of the lyrics was ÒIÕm the best boyfriend that you never had.Ó

            Then Tuxedo guy came up and said goodbye to a chair. Not much else to write about this one, but I was thrilled that it was 45 seconds long.

            Annie and AJ came up next with hamsters. They then proceeded to do what they do best, waste our time. But this time it was better because there were hamsters and they said things about people.

            It was similar to Brian WohlÕs old spirograph of the future, but BrianÕs piece was shorter, simpler, and funnier.

            SoÉ yeah.

            Next up was Chris talking about how classy playboy is and how it isnt porn. HeÕs right, it isnÕt. You know, BWO always had a lot of playboy. Guess he is classy as hell.

            Lastly was Evan with some standup. At this point in the night, I was just gazing at Brian affectionately because I realized I needed to send some emails.

            So we neatly wrapped up the night, announcing that there would be no talkback (which is completely unaffiliated with Theatre of Ted and its sponsers) tonight as many of us were too upset about the tickets. So with a triumphant sigh, Chris and I said, Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic Applause!


Performance pieces:

            Jared – announcement

            Brian Wohl – A safe alternative

            Dave Ruthenberg – Great Lectures in Evil

            Gregg Brown – Musical Journey

            CJ Tuor and Shee – Three hours ago

            Nick Cardiff – A retaliation piece

            Eric Thompson and Conor Burke – a quick announcement

            Robbie Bersano – donÕt hate the playa

            Greg Gelder – poetry of porn

            Josh Schafernak – Standup

            Paul Elders – Is tougher than you

            Bwo and Marc – Ted Chicago announcement

            Katelin Johnson – a hold in the fence

            Pete – Chaos

            Greg Gelder – homework

            Elise Anderson – song for the ex

            Jared Mason – The Manly Mundane Mime

            Elizabeth Peura and Gina – Storytime

            Kevin Hadsell – a poem

            Pete Tenuto – an original song

            Tuxedo Guy – I wonÕt conform to the rules

            Annie rix and AJ Rahm – panda and Penelope reveal your future

            Chris Bogue – Playboy

            Evan - Standup



Piece of the week:

Dave Ruthenberg – Great Lectures in Evil


Dare to Suck Award:

Elizabeth Peura and Gina – Storytime

Jaw Dropper:

Robbie Bersano – donÕt hate the playa

Bri is loud tally of the night (a tally on how many times a night Brianne Hornback screams):

She wasnÕt there, but I am gonna go with 3.

Super secret Hidden Theme*:

Bwo was very prevelant.

*Hidden themes are the unintentional repetition of something throughout the TED of that week.