Theatre of


Saturday September 8, 2007

First Ted of the year

Keith’s host notes


List of performers:

  1. Pete Guither
  2. Bridget and Amy
  3. Brian Wohl
  4. Mitch ost
  5. Nick Cardiff
  6. Matt “tinz” Herzau
  7. Jared Mason
  8. Mike Norris and Jeff Helenthal
  9. Greg Gelder
  10. Annie Rix
  11. Pete Tenuto
  12. Emily Bowling
  13. Gregg Brown
  14. Anthony Fiorelli
  15. Nick H.
  16. Alex and someone?
  17. Tuxedo guy
  18. Paul


Underlines denote ted virgins.

Approximate running time:

1 hour 30 minutes


Number of Pieces:






Host Notes:

Know this, any misspellings or lack of capilowlisations are things I don’t care about. Also bad grammer.


            The first Ted of the year started off with a bang. I decided to sing a song for the Ted audience and had a lot of help. Thanks to everyone who helped me in the opener to make it a bad ass good time.

            I could barely have had more fun at this Theatre of Ted. All the pieces were just so fun and the announcements were so short. It was wonderful.

            Ok. On to the notes.

            The first piece was our own Pete with “shake that bear.” He talked about the rules of Ted, what to expect at Ted, and let everyone know that they might be offended. Or rather, at some point, you probably will be offended. He neatly made a fun presentation and then we whooshed off to the next piece.

            Next was Bridget and Amy with an awkward conversation about the ted committee and everything associated with it.

            After that, I read a letter from Brian Wohl to the Ted audience. It contained info about all of the people who left ISU lately and jabbed right into the side of many a faculty member. It was glorious. I hope I did his letter some justice.

            Transition word, Greg and Mitch performed a formal debate that sounded suspiciously like lyrics to a couple of songs. Probably weren’t lyrics. Probably was a legit argument. Yup.

            Taking the stage with a large timidosity, Nick Cardiff performed a love poem to Selma Hayek. All I wrote down for this was “I’ll be your kayak Miss Hayek.” I was laughing too hard after that to write much else down.

            Tinz then had an announcement about improv mafia shows (every Tuesday night at 8 PM in CVA 145) and mafia auditions (this coming Saturday and Sunday, the 15th and 16th. Go out and see all of the free improv and then try out!

            The seventh piece of the night involved me calling Jared Mason and having him tell the Ted audience that he loved them. It was real cute for Jared and real awkward for me since I just stood holding a phone as Jared expressed his feelings.

            Commodore (Mike Norris) and Jeff came up to do an awesome poem for the 8th piece. It was entitled “coming of age” and had a beautiful mix of style and language. Jeff’s flowery grace combined beautifully with Commodore’s “I’m just gonna say this” attitude. My favorite sentence was “peeing in a vagina to make babies… that seemed gross to me.” I also learned that a lot of people have seen commodore jerk it.


            Then greg gave us candy.

            After that, Annie and Elaine wasted some of our time with a directing class invitation for actors.

            Tinz came back for a real piece after those girls stumbled away. He played live guitar to prerecorded guitar and rhythm. It was pretty sweet. He played melodies comparative to greg’s candy in sweetness. Then he ended with a badass pose. Dayum.

            After that guitar came another guitar! Pete Tenuto took the stage and played a weezer song for everyone. The crowd clapped and occasionally sang along. It was fun to hear something new from Tenuto.

            When Pete left, Emily bowling decided to kiss me. I think there’s a good reaction shot on the pictures portion of last night. Anyway, Emily then proceeded to tell a very funny story about a boy “pooing” all over himself. His mom said he has been having trouble with that as of late. Oh, and he was dressed like an old man. And they were at a drunk zoo. And the counselors weren’t allowed to help the children. Something like that.

            Next came quite an awesome piece by Ted virgin Gregg Brown. He played dulcimer while Bri played a drum. He played so beautifully! It was one of the more moving and zen pieces I have ever seen at ted and there were no words. Only cool harmonies and fun dulcimer passages. I liked this piece a lot. I hope Gregg comes back.

            Anthony Fiorelli came up next with some stories about his summer. He evidently drank in 1/5 of the county. I think that’s great. He was also covered in blood during the performance.

            Jeff then came back on stage for a piece called “ipod shuffle.” In this he danced to a randomly selected song on his ipod. He did a really fun job with a song he didn’t plan on. He looked exhausted though. Alls I know is, he did tons of things that I can’t do. so good job Jeff.

            Nick H. came next with a piece that I described as making sound from insanity. It was very interesting, but a little loud. I don’t know how to describe it other than that it was very Ted. I was glad to see something this different from everything else of the night.

            Then Alex and some other guy came up and did a song called Santa claus in outer space. It had little to do with Santa. I don’t know what it was about at all actually. But I only liked the guitar player. The other guy lied to me about singing about santa. I want my santa.

            Then the tux guy came and talked about his chair that sucked. Then we all thanked Pete. I don’t think Pete wanted to be thanked. But we thanked him. So… there ya go.

            Mitch came next to last with a piece that was described by me at the time as “a german expressionist chicken party. If you don’t know what I mean by that, then I can’t help you. its pretty self explanatory. Oh yeah, and he took off his hair somehow. That was terrifying… and yet so moving.

            Last came Paul with 60 seconds. He existed on stage for 60 seconds. That was it. Good piece. Well under the time suggestion.

            After that, everyone was invited back to my apartment for milk. We all had lots of milk. Some of us had too much milk and had to call and ask chris to turn off his computer while he was only feet away.


Performance pieces:

Pete Guither with Shake that Bear

Bridget and Amy with presidential business

Brian Wohl a letter

Mitch ost and greg gelder with Formal Debate

Nick Cardiff with a love poem

Matt “tinz” Herzau with an announcement

Jared Mason with “call to duty”

Mike Norris and Jeff Helenthal with coming of age

Greg Gelder with wink!

Annie Rix with an announcement

Tinz with while my guitar gently cries

Pete Tenuto with a song entitled no one else

Emily Bowling with life and times of Emily bowling

Gregg Brown with dulcimer songs

Anthony Fiorelli with Stories

Jeff Helenthal with ipod shuffle

Nick H. with Square way of action

Alex with no idea

Tuxedo guy with show and tell

Mitch Ost with Dare to suck/ Theatre of the bow haus

Paul with 60 seconds





Piece of the week:

Gregg Brown with Dulcimer Songs

Mike Norris and Jeff Helenthal with Coming of age


Dare to Suck Award:

Mitch Ost with Dare to suck/Theatre of the bow haus

Nick H. with Square way of action


Jaw Dropper:

Emily Bowling’s crappy children

Mitch with no hair

Bri is loud tally of the night (a tally on how many times a night Brianne Hornback screams):

At least 25

Super secret Hidden Theme*:

Surprises. I just kept being more pleasantly surprised throughout the night.

*Hidden themes are the unintentional repetition of something throughout the TED of that week.