Theatre of


Saturday, October 7th 2006

“What Would You Do (Ted)?”

With Keith as the guest host



List of performers:

  1. Amy Sarah
  2. Bridget Thomas
  3. Mike Norris
  4. Matt “F. Tinz” Herzau
  5. Emily Boling
  6. Erin Chester
  7. Pete Tenuto
  8. Pete Guither
  9. Kevin
  10. Mitch
  11. Jared Mason
  12. Jeffery Helenthal


Approximate running time:

1 hour 30 minutes


Number of Pieces:




Somewhere in the 90’s


Host Notes:

         The evening of Ted began as any other. With folk pouring in, signing up for pieces, playing drunken catch phrase (or something like that) and just altogether having a good time, it was sure to be a fun Ted. Soon enough, the evening began with me singing the “what would you do” theme to mark the beginning of Ted. I began by getting four brave volunteers to come up and choose between what was on a card that they couldn’t see, or a pie in the face. First, Annie chose the card and realized she had to make out with three people at once! Luckily, Majestic Marc, Ecstatic Elaine, and Awesome Amy (Sarah) came through and made out with Annie all at once. I enjoyed that and I am sure Marc did too. Next Elaine also chose the card and had to dance in her underwear. She then forced Annie to do it with her and Jeff Helenthal and an unknown hero came and prepared to dance too. A. J. Rahm then chose the pie in the face, which was very fun. Finally, A.J.’s Boyfriend, who’s name I can’t remember right now, chose the card and had to eat a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch and sprite. YUCK!!! Finally, the underwear people danced very sexily, and that wrapped up the opening.

         The first act of the night came from Bridget Thomas and Amy Sarah. Their piece, entitled “Dueling Prose,” was the most ridiculously sexy, hot, and disturbing piece I have heard in a while. This even beat a live recording of sex that Greg did a couple of weeks ago. Not only though was it funny, they were dressed so classy. It was so well performed that I loved this piece as much as that girl in the story loved his.

         Now here is where I realized that through pie, nudity, and makeout sessions, I forgot to say one little pivotal thing. Everyone makes mistakes, but better late than never I did say, THEATRE OF TED, ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE!

         Moving on, next was my good friend Mike Norris with “an open letter.” He talked about how he had a cousin who was his myspace friend now and the things he now knew about her that cousins shouldn’t know. I really enjoyed the part where he talked about not needing to see her budding, 14 year old cleavage when he reads a message about birthday gifts for his aunt. I liked this piece a lot. Yay commodore.

         Third was a forced Tinz to perform. His piece was called Keith versus the Twinkies, inclined planes, and Pangaea. I just wanted Tinz to do something because he is often an approved performed at Ted. However, as Tinz was suffering from an overdose of Swedish fish and all that is associated with them, his piece was confusing and yet very enjoyable. It was filled with power piano chords and a bizarre insertion of statements about me, Keith, fighting Twinkies, inclined planes, and Pangaea. I won all my battles, however the guess who battle with Pangaea was my favorite.
         Next was Erin Chester and Emily Boling with a PSA. It was about and was very fun. I myself look at all the time. They then told many secrets that they had never told anyone before to the Ted audience. Some were funny, some were sad, but all were appreciated and conveyed a good representation of .

         The Fifth act of the night was Pete Tenuto with some songs. He played, we listened, I whispered to commodore my love for him, and then I wrote about how the “fathers be good to your daughters” song made me think of commodore’s cousin and her 14 year old cleavage. Good performance as always by Pete.

         Next was a wild trip to the wall of stuff! Jeff Helenthal helped me operate it and we had four people try their luck. First, Mike Norris went up and got hit by silly string! What fun! Then Emily Boling got some cute magnet things! How cute! Then Tinz got a running pie, which is where he runs into a pie that I am holding. This was supposed to somewhat recreate the pie coaster on what would you do. It didn’t, but was funny and a great pie in the face. Lastly, Pete Tenuto got a makeup kit! Nickelodeon!

         Next was our own Pete Guither with Assigned Chaos. I always enjoy a good chaos because I have never seen one where Brian Wohl doesn’t end up naked. I think everyone had fun, but it is hard to describe in words. Soon enough, there will be pictures, and you will better understand the fun.

         A man named Kevin was next on board he had a piece titled “untitled,” and I will spare you the obvious joke in the first half of this compound sentence. He did a poemy thing that was really short and I am afraid I missed most of it as I was captivated by his shirt. It said “Gravity, it’s the law” or something like that. I liked it a lot because I am a nerd. And because I liked the shirt, I liked the piece.

         Mitch was next with a confusing and true “dare to suck” piece. He talked about how we were all The Chad and how The Chad was the greatest and how that must make us all the greatest because we are The Chad, but we aren’t The Chad. I know. I don’t get it either. Then he sang the crazy song that I don’t remember the title of but says something like “I am the very model of a modern major general.” I think. He didn’t know all the words, but I was impressed with the amount he did. He also had a beautiful falsetto.

         Jeff Helenthal and Jared Mason were the last act with “Harmony.” Jared started making a PB and J sandwich while Jeff made a ham and cheese sandwich. Halfway through they switched breads and Jared had a ham and peanut butter sandwich and Jeff had a jelly and cheese sandwich. This was a piece inspired by The Chad, as he has a question that makes you choose between PB and J and Ham and Cheese. They showed that both could exist in harmony. Although I am pretty sure the jelly and cheese proved to be horrible.

         At the end, just like every episode of What Would you do, anyone who wanted something from the wall of stuff could try. All I can say is pie was everywhere at the end, Mike Norris (my personal pie making man which I haven’t mentioned yet) nearly died slipping in it, people were silly stringed, crazy things were happening and it was one of the most fun moments of my life. At the very end right before I was pied with 3 pies, I exclaimed the infamous, THEATRE OF TED, ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE!


Performance pieces:

Amy Sarah and Bridget Thomas with “dueling prose”

Mike Norris with “an open letter”

Matt “Tinz” Herzau with “Keith versus the Twinkies, inclined planes, and Pangaea”

Emily Boling and Erin Chester with “a PSA”

Pete Tenuto with “a song, or two?”

Pete Guither with “Assigned Chaos”

Kevin with “untitled”

Mitch with “Zen and the art of The Chad”

Jared Mason and Jeff Helenthal with “Harmony”




Piece of the week:

Amy Sarah and Bridget Thomas with “dueling prose”



Dare to Suck Award:

Mitch with “Zen and the art of The Chad”

Matt “Tinz” Herzau with “Keith versus the Twinkies, inclined planes, and Pangaea”


Jaw Dropper:

Amy Sarah and Bridget Thomas with “dueling prose”

Amount of sexual heat in this ted.

Super secret Hidden Theme*:

This Ted being far from anything Nickelodeon would approve of.

*Hidden themes are the unintentional repetition of something throughout the TED of that week.