Saturday, February 11th 2006
“Theatre of Love”
List of performers:
Matt “F. Tinz” Herzau
Approximate Running Time:
1 hour and 45 minutes
Number of Pieces:
Love came to theatre of Ted this particular evening. The Ted-goers were greeted by walking into Allen Theater by seeing that Ted this week was configured to a thrust space. I would take credit for this if I was responsible for it, but that is not the case. I believe it was because of the student choreographed dance presentation that was going on the next day, but it led to a cool set up and we’ll take what we can get.
We began the evening with the 2nd annual Theatre of Ted Bachelor/Bachelorette Auction to benefit the 4square Marathon. The money we earned from this auction will go to buy food and provisions for people that participate in the marathon. I would like to thank Keith Habersberger, Diana Christopher, Erica Schmueck, and Marc Muszynski for volunteering for this event and thanks to those that bought them. Every one of our volunteers were bid upon and we earned a decent chunk of change. Without further delay… Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic Applause!
The first performer of the night was Steve Nelson. Steve, decked out in black, strode toward the stage oozing machismo. He then performed a hauntingly cool version of “Walk the Line”. Good piece.
After Steve, we had our first female performer of the night, Darci, who performed an original poem entitled “Love You Again”. This poem was in honor of Valentine’s Day and it was about someone who wronged her in a relationship and how, despite all of the good times they had together, she was not going to go back to that person.
The third piece of the night was CJ and Julie with “Why Julie Doesn’t Come to Ted Anymore”. It started out with Julie sitting in her apartment and CJ walked up to her and CJ said that he was going to perform at Ted tonight and he had lots of new material. He then told Julie that he was going to be a prop comic and then he did a series of overtly lame prop comic jokes with an oar and a frog. Julie then responded by saying that she was going to do her own comedy bit at Ted tonight and her bit for the night was a bit that was much better than CJ’s. CJ then hit her with the oar, knocking her unconscious, and he left. One thing I learned tonight: domestic abuse can be funny.
Then Craig Sadur took the stage with Keith to perform “Craig and Keith’s Random Corner”. Craig and Keith tag-teamed the audience by assaulting them with various random jokes, observations, and insults. I enjoyed Keith’s statement “You know what I don’t look forward to? [beat] The past.” It was just timed so well. Craig later stopped the piece to have an intervention about Keith’s questionable material. Then I just got confused, but I remember Craig saying “What I do doesn’t hurt anybody” and Keith responded with totally honest indignance “And Rape does?” Hilarious!
Next up was Nicole Dieker, who announced that she was responding to the call for more female performers on the message board. She then set up the piano and played a medley of songs from the history of Mario. She played songs from the original Mario Bros., Mario 2, and Mario 3. I never noticed this until tonight, but the Mario 2 theme, when played on the piano, closely resembles the music of a 1920s speakeasy.
After our musical journey was complete, Danielle Sanders took the Ted stage for the 1st time and performed a monologue from the Vagina Monologues. Danielle is the Stage Manager for the Vagina Monologues. To my knowledge, this was her first time acting in front of a crowd since high school. She struggled a little bit with the lines at first, but then she came back and finished strongly. Definitely a courageous and awesome piece to watch. Danielle performed tonight to make everyone aware that the Vagina Monologues will be performed Feb. 17th, 18th, and 19th in the Large Prairie room in the Bone Student Center (ha ha… Bone).
Jon and Jordan then came to give us a “Master Class Music Medley”. This piece featured some excellent guitar work. It was just stellar guitar work. Good job guys.
CJ and Julie returned with “Why Julie Doesn’t Come to Ted Anymore: Part 2”. Julie said she wasn’t feeling well and CJ came in and said “It’s that time of the month… A full moon.” He told her that he’d have to lock her up so that she couldn’t hurt anybody, including herself. Another great sketch!
After that, Tinz, Keith, and Greg performed a hilarious beat box song about Instant Message conversations. Hilarious observational humor and excellent beat boxing. I’m sure that Jove, himself, let out a hearty laugh at that piece.
Next was Ian with “Highwayman”. This short story was from the American Revolution. I can’t do this story justice describing it here, but I can tell you that it was sufficiently a romantic downer perfectly timed right before Valentine’s Day.
The eleventh piece of the night was Jake with his scene partner, Kevin, they did a piece where they tried to act out a scene, but Kevin did not know his lines, so they had to restart several times to get things right. Kevin could not follow his cues at all and couldn’t read them very well on the small sheet of paper Jake gave him. One time Kevin thought that the ship they were on hit an Ice cube instead of an Iceberg. The funniest part of the sketch was when Kevin was asked how far away they were from land, he responded with “About 20 naked mole-rats.” instead of “About 20 nautical miles.” Fun sketch.
After that, CJ and Julie came back with the final chapter of their 3 part performance. This time, the reason Julie couldn’t come to Ted was because she was just too tired after all the sex her and CJ had and she was just too drunk after all of the large amounts of alcohol she drank. The audience responded to this with a thunderous amount of laughter. Apparently everyone in the Ted audience is well aware of CJ and Julie’s personal life.
Matt Herzau made his return to the stage with “Lobster vs. Pterodactyl”. What I loved the most about this piece was the fact that Matt came up to me to sign up for the piece earlier in the night and he totally intended to play a song from his show that he did this past Wednesday at the coffeehouse series. When I asked him what the title of his performance was, he responded “Lobster vs. Pterodactyl”. I then said to him, “You know if you have a piece entitled ‘Lobster vs. Pterodactyl’, you’re going to have to back that up if this audience hears that title.” I said this thinking that he’d change the title, but he did not. He decided during Ted that he would make up a song about “Lobster vs. Pterodactyl” and boy did he deliver. He asked the audience for a key, he then explained to the audience that he would have half of them make a Pterodactyl sound (he made the sound so people knew the accurate Pterodactyl sound) and the other half of the audience would make the Lobster noise (clickity clack!). He then proceeded to improvise a brilliant song about an epic battle of the Lobster vs. the mighty Pterodactyl. He incorporated the audience in his song and had them make their respective animal noises. It was revealed at the end of the song that the mighty Pterodactyl defeated the Lobster. Amazing!
The Chad then did a piece entitled “Meet the Chad” where Chad had an audience member come on stage with him and he would do the famous Bernard Pivot Questionnaire from Inside the Actor’s Studio he interviewed Kristina Belgio. It was neat learning about someone that never really performed at Ted.
The final piece of the night was Pete Tenuto playing “Let Me Rest in Peace” and an original song that he also has performed at Ted before “Best Boyfriend She Never Had”.
Marc and I thought it would be fun to end Ted with a dance party to Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”. Until next week, “Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic Applause!”
Steve Nelson with “Walk the Line”
Darci Butcher with “A poem for Valentine’s Day”
CJ & Julie with “Why Julie Never Comes to Ted Anymore parts 1, 2, & 3”
Keith, Matt Herzau, and Greg Gelder with “A Song”
Ian Miller with “Highwayman”
Craig and Keith with “Craig and Keith’s Random Corner part 1”
Pete Tenuto with “2 Songs”
Nicole Dieker with “A Magical History of Super Mario”
Jon & Jordan with “Master Class Music Medley”
The Chad with “Meet The Chad”
Matt Herzau with “Lobster vs. Pterodactyl”
Danielle Sanders with “Vagina”
Jake & Kevin with “The Gigantic”
Piece(s) of the week:
CJ and Julie with “Why Julie Doesn’t come to Ted Anymore part 1”
Matt Herzau with “Lobster vs. Pterodactyl”
Dare to Suck Award:
Danielle Sanders with “Vagina”
Matt Herzau improvising a hilarious song “Lobster vs. Pterodactyl”
CJ knocking Julie unconscious.
Pterodactyl beating Lobster
Super Secret Theme: The resurgence of Sketch Comedy at Ted.
*hidden themes are the unintentional repetition of something throughout the TED of that week.