Saturday, November 12th 2005
“Theatre of ROCK!”
List of performers:
Mike Schmueck (former host)
Mitch (last name?)
Kasia Januszewski (Yeah, I can spell it without having to look it up. Take that, former hosts!)
Guy with Long hair
Approximate Running Time:
1 hour and 43minutes
Number of Pieces:
The night began with Marc playing a sissy song about being a whiny loser, I could not allow this crime against rocking to happen, so I burst through the door more furiously than the Kool-Aid man. Tonight was Theatre of Rock and I made damn sure that we rocked. I was tattooed, slightly in an altered state of mind, and I had enough eyeliner on to rival Billie Joe Armstrong. I gave Marc his gear for rocking. As Marc was transforming himself into the Rock God that we all know he is, I made sure that Allen Theater was set up for rocking. I tied a tie around the microphone in honor of Aerosmith and put up a photo of Jeff Goldblum watching us poop (in honor of Jeff Goldblum). Marc then burst through the door and unleashed guitar riffs that were so full of sexual energy that the women in the first row had to back up for fear of being impregnated by his seed of rock! We then launched into our first song of the night which blew the roof of Allen and the tops off of ladies. For the rest of the night, each piece was introduced via rock. Marc’s drunk cousin was also there.
The first piece of the night was Pete Tenuto playing his cover of “Brian Wilson” and he played his original song, “Best Boyfriend (you never had)”. It was a neat song, it’s always nice to hear some original music at Ted.
Our second piece was CJ with standup! He’s back with new material! A highlight was when he riffed on infomercial actors and how the ugly person is always the person who uses the competitor’s product. Great to have CJ back.
After that, was the return of former host Mike Schmueck! He updated us on how he’s doing and told us that Rico (Mike’s former co-host) would be seen on Mad TV in the near future (I saw him, and his one shot was hilarious. Yay Rico!). Mike then read a passage from his new novel. This passage was where the main character meets with God and has a chat. The novel seems to have some really cool ideas and a different take on life. It’s always nice to see alumni return.
Matt and Keith were next and they played a song with the chorus “I am Judas, I killed Jesus. Oh Crap! Oh Crap!” Everyone was grabbing their sides during this piece.
M to the itch was next with an interpretive dance that showed how he felt about Marat/Sade. What a show.
Lisa Adams then did a monologue from 3 Sisters while “slightly intoxicated”, but then she was booed off the stage by her friends. I actually was concerned for about 2 seconds, but then I realized that they fooled us.
Dandrell then made his return to Ted with some standup. He talked about how he doesn’t like to go to parties because his white friends pick fights and then push Dandrell in front of them to fight for them. My favorite joke of the night was when he talked about the commercial where they fry and egg to show that “This is your brain on drugs”. He commented that if drugs look like a fried egg, then drugs must be F’n delicious.
At this point in the show Marc decided he was sick of playing the same riffs and decided to change it up and play different genres of music and I, being a master vocalist and a devastating disciple of rock, adapted beautifully and hilarity ensued.
Kasia then asked if someone could provide her hampster’s baby a new home because she could not take care of 2 hampsters.
Then guy with long hair came on stage and read something that he had found on the internet. He found a list of funny combinations of band names that made the audience laugh quite heartily. I wish we knew who this mysterious man was.
The final piece of the night was The Chad, who had 2 new people read from The Book. It’s always nice to see new people get up and perform at Ted. Hopefully they’ll be encouraged to get up and do something new on their own next week.
Marc and I concluded the night with an amazing improvised power ballad to end the show with it’s battle cry “Theatre of Ted: Enthusiastic Applause!”
Pete Tenuto with “2 Short Songs”
CJ with Standup
Michael Schmueck with his Triumphant Return
Matt Richert and Keith Habersberger with “A Story”
Lisa Adams with “A Monologue”
Dandrell with Standup
Kasia with a plea for her Hampster
Guy with “Funny Band Names”
The Chad with “Something from the Book”
Piece(s) of the week:
Dandrell with Standup
Dare to Suck Award:
M to the itch
Lisa Adams being “booed” off the stage
Super Secret Theme: Former Ted regulars coming back for a night of awesomeness!
*hidden themes are the unintentional repetition of something throughout the TED of that week.