Theatre of


Saturday, November 6th 2004




List of performers:

Craig Sader

Eric Rueff

Lisa Adams

CJ Tuor (if you can call it a performance)


Bridgette Richards

Matt Russell

The Chad

Andrew Higgins

Kellie Powell

Brandy ÒmamaÓ Hansen




Mike Schmueck

Drunk Guy



Approximate Running Time:

1 hour and 50 minutes


Number of Pieces:




80 people. ItÕs near the end of the semester, but after this week, you should come back.


SchmueckÕs Rant:

            Rico had the night off because of Metamorphosis. It was a lot of fun hosting by myself. I loved the more intimate attitude of this Ted. Also, I hope that this Ted is an inspiration for more people. Ted is only what you make of it. If you donÕt like the pieces that are performed at Ted, perform what you want to see. Maybe other people will grab hold and push things even farther. ThatÕs how I opened the show and I got 10 extra acts to perform as a result of the flow of the night. Hurray!


Host Notes:

            I opened the show with a simple question. What do you want? I asked the audience what they wanted. In life, in this moment, from Ted. I donÕt feel people ask this question often enough. They complain, but they donÕt discover what they want. So I asked and challenged the audience to discover what they want. I know I need to think more about what I want. I ended the opening by reading a poem I wrote earlier this week about trusting oneself.

First up for the evening was Bridgette with Holiday Spice. She brought with her a bottle of Pepsi Holiday Spice. This is a special drink for the holidays. She had multiple people give it a taste test. Most people felt that the drink was undesirable. I felt the same way when I tried it before Ted. Thanks for forcing us to drink a horrid creation Bridgette.

The second piece of the evening was CJ with Stand up. This weekÕs installment of CJÕs unique humor had some more scathing commentaries. His first target was DeGorno Pizza (canÕt spell that, oh well.) He pointed out that the advertising is centered on constantly confusing their audience. Additionally, CJ felt it necessary to explain that every girl he has ever dated was a bisexual. He is proud because he has to compete against the entire population in order to win the affection of these women. I would agree. Finally, CJ took on Christianity. CJ believes in Christianity, but doesnÕt agree with a lot of the efforts of the Christian fundamentalists. He made a distinction. He loves and respects people who are truly Christian. However, there is also what he calls ÒDiet Christians.Ó These are Christians with all the background of real Christians but none of the common sense. I plan to use this term myself. Great job.

Matt Russell was up third with Something Serious. ThatÕs right, we had last yearÕs host at Ted on Saturday. He explained that he wrote a very serious piece. Matt had been reading a romance novel and felt that he could do a much better job. So he wrote a romance novel of his own. He read only and excerpt from the novel, titled The Boobining. The section was deeply erotic and sensual. The piece was hysterical, especially once a drunk guy wandered into Ted and decided to walk up to Matt and interfere. Matt was a trooper and finished the piece with the drunk guy standing up there.

Before he even started his piece, Craig impressed me. Craig saw the drunk guy take my seat and made him move. Once the drunk guy sat down, Craig started his poem. The poem was extremely Craig. It was random at points, but he has learned how to focus his work. I have loved watching Craig grow as a performer all year. Keep up the good work Craig, but speak clearer when you read a poem.

Chad was next up with a portion of a short story he is writing. The story was about getting into a car crash and the crash almost sounds to be intentional. I enjoy listening to ChadÕs stories. My favorite line was something similar to this, ÒIf IÕm cold outside, I donÕt worry that IÕm so cold inside.Ó Something I can relate to at times. Great work Chad.

At this point, I took control of Ted. The time had come to shake things up a bit. We took a little trip outside. The entire audience was standing in a circle around the lamp post that is on the grass south of Westhoff, but north of Beaufort.

Once we had gathered in the lamplight, Lisa and Eric performed a piece called Freshmen. Eric started and Lisa joined in. At first it was spoken word, but it turned into singing. The song was Freshmen by the Verve Pipe. They worked through forgetting words and performing in a space they werenÕt expecting. It was a great piece.

We returned inside for Matt RussellÕs other piece for the night, called Wacky Happy Fun Time. Matt decided to have two audience members participate in a Double Dare type contest. The two contestants had 60 seconds in order to eat a couple packages of crackers and then be able to whistle. Neither contestant won the challenge, but we did learn that Mark Summers had OCD.

This last piece left cracker bits all over the floor. While Matt cleaned up, we returned outside. This time, I made the audience circle up around the cement ledge that is north of the airport lounge. Once everybody had circled around it Andrew performed a piece he called Enjoying Life. He made the effort to point out that just because your candidate in an election loses, doesnÕt mean you canÕt enjoy life. Flowers are still beautiful and you can still laugh at a good joke. He told everybody to get over it and move on.

To contrast this, Kelly came up with a rant and a poem. She explained that we shouldnÕt get over the election. If you have problems with the election donÕt forget. Instead, fight harder to make sure that you are involved in the decision making process. Stay informed. After this, she read a poem about democracy. I wish I had been able to write down the name of the piece and the author, but it was a strong call to arms for all the young radicals out their. Good work.

Brandy was next with the piece of the night. She stood on the ledge and got completely nude. She explained that she had recently found out she was pregnant. She continued by talking about how she needed to find her self-confidence and self-love again. How could she love the life that was growing inside her if she didnÕt love whatÕs inside and outside of her. It was a beautiful piece. My favorite of the semester.

Joe was next with Ignorance. This was a rant about his frustration at ignorant people, partially inspired by the drunken guy that had stood up earlier at Ted. He talked about religion and talked about truck drivers. It was a loose piece, but there were a lot of good ideas.

After that, we returned inside so the audience could warm up. As the audience regained color, Zach performed some Stand up. He explained that his father had finally accepted Zach after ZachÕs first real run in with the police. They had been in Pekin Illinois visiting ZachÕs grandmother. He had the police called on him because he looked suspicious having a cigar while standing outside of his grandmotherÕs home. As he explained they were confused and suspicious because he had all his teeth and wasnÕt threatening the Jews (which is something normal in Pekin according to Zach). It was a solid piece of comedy and storytelling.

Returning for a second performance was CJ with Contrast. He told a story about his days growing up in LA. He stood up to some bullies during art class. These bullies were picking on somebody and he decided to follow his motto WWSMD (What Would SpiderMan Do). He used his quick wit on the bullies. After class he got punched but kept joking around. However, as soon as they left he started to cry. A heartwarming and hilarious story.

Our second returning performer of the evening, Bridgette, performed a Possible Confession. She asked Matt Russell some questions to be sure and then explained that as children Matt had been BridgetteÕs first crush. Matt replied by explaning that she had been his first crush too.

A quick piece came next, Lisa with Skriker Revisited. She danced for a couple seconds as she did during the show Skriker. The piece was quick and it reminded me of some of the fun shows IÕve worked on. Nice.

The second to last piece was called Best Thing. Two freshmen, Leanne and Matt stood up with what was referred to as an improvised scene. They proceed to exchange some clothes and take clothes from the audience. By the end, they were bundled up in a multitude of different peoples clothes. MY favorite part was when Matt ripped one of LeanneÕs socks. Nice work.

The last piece of the evening was one of my own. I did a poem that I have always wanted to perform but never have. It was about feeling scared and exposed in front of others. I was nude. It felt like one of the best pieces IÕve ever done. I was pleased.

            The evening ended with the classic words ÒTheatre of Ted, Enthusiastic Applause!Ó


Performance pieces:

Bridgette with Holiday Spice

CJ with Stand up

Matt Russell with Something Serious

Craig with Poetry

Chad with a short story

Lisa and Eric with Freshmen

Wacky Happy Fun Time

Andrew with Enjoying Life

Kelly with a poem


Joe with Ignorance

Zach with Stand up

CJ with Contrast

Bridgette with a Possible Confession

Lisa with Skriker Revisited

Best Thing

Mike with a poem





Piece(s) of the week:


CJ with Contrast

Kelly with a poem

Dare to Suck Award:

Everybody after Andrew for signing up late with pieces that they werenÕt expecting to perform. We started the night with 8 pieces and ended with 18. Way to dare to suck.

Also, Lisa and Eric get this award for performing outside when they werenÕt expecting it and didnÕt have the words to the song on them when we went outside.

Jaw dropper:

Drunk Guy and Brandy

Super Secret Theme: Change. Everything changed last night, from the number of pieces to the location of the performances. I hope that everybody had a great time and learned to roll with the changes.