Saturday October 16th 2004
“C.J.’s first #@$%ing show”
Mary and Pivan
Kasha Janusziwieski (it took a team of 5, to try and guess how your name was spelled)
Chris (last name unknown)
Rob (last name unknown)
Wingus (name still not known)
Random freshmen (did not get names and well…aren’t all freshmen the same anyway)
Kanal (last name unknown)
Sarah (Last name unknown)
Adam (Last name unknown)
Total Running Time:
Approximately 1 Hour and 35 ½ minutes
Approximately 178.3486 people
Well, it’s me your friendly neighborhood C.J. Tuor and this is my first time writing host notes (it was also my first time hosting Ted…coincidence…I think not). I want to thank my wonderful audience for making this a really comfortable and fun experience. I would also like to thank you in advance for your forgiveness on the mistakes I have made in doing so. I realize I may not have always kept the audience attention, I mispronounced the titles of a few acts, and I am very sorry I forgot to get everybody’s full name. So I’m sorry and I hope I do better next time…if there is a next time (gives Mike and Rico a hug). So now I’m tired of looking so pitiful, let’s get on with the show.
The evening started with me, your gracious host, welcoming everybody to theatre of Ted. I announced since C.J. Tuor was hosting, I will be doing the show C.J. Tuor style. This means I introduced the first Theatre of Ted SWEAR JAR. Whenever a performer at Ted says a swear word he/she has to put a nickel towards the ongoing Ted fund. I assembled a crack team of judges to pick out and count swears so I didn’t have to do the work and the show got underway.
First up was the lovable and huggable Craig Sadder with a bit called how not to get a girlfriend. Craig walked to center stage and said “Hi, I’m Craig Sadar” then walked off. According to latest reports Craig did not get a girlfriend that night so it was a very successful act.
Next up was an act that can only be defined as heavy metal meets Simon and Gafunkle. The musical act known as Mary and Pivan took the stage with their rendition of “Land of the Ice and Snow” (I am sooo guessing that title). They played the song with two Amish guitars (which means non-electrical in my eyes) and had their lead vocalist rock out with his amazing vocal talents hitting pitches so high only dogs could hear (and only the dogs with really good hearing). It’s always nice to see a great stage presence mixed with musical talent.
Leslie decided to follow the true college student credo and make up an act at the last minute. She announced that she had an urge to do an improv and wanted a few friends to help her out. The help came in the form of Ross, Erica, Kasha, Craig, and The Chad (plus a special guest appearance by Brian Wohl). This rag tag group was able to band together and do a skit about a grade school classroom (although they all had the voices of pre-schoolers…Erica I’m looking in your direction). Besides being a very random delight it supplied plenty of money for the swear jar (thank your Ross.)
I don’t know how to spell this one, so I will give you the fen-et-tic spelling I wrote for myself. Ab-a-gad-rows number with Chris and Rob. The guys lead us in a sing along version of “Bubble Toes” (or so I’m told that’s the title. I’m sorry, I don’t know any modern music, I listen to big oldies). The sing along….well more like clap along, was very well received and I was impressed by the second song’s ability to inspire actual rhythm from the audience. (That’s right a clap, two clap alternating pattern….amazing). Good job, you groovy cats (I told you big oldies).
I have to apologize for this next act, Michael Schmeck with an announcement. Mike said he was sorry that there was no after party this week. He said that we were conserving our party-ness up for October 23, which is not only Mike’s 22nd birthday but it is also Pete’s Birthday. Finally, Pete can stop using that fake idea to buy booze. I hear his ID’s is a picture of Walker: Texas Ranger with a pair of glasses. So come and get your party on…I’m very sorry for trying to sound cool back there.
It’s time once again for Wingus who has become a standard and this years Ted and they have yet to disappoint. This week’s installment was called a Journey through the Liver. It was sequel to a prior song of there’s called “The Drinking Song” and thank god they created it because the original left so many questions. The song was called “Hangover blues” they said that they just wrote the song a half hour before the show, but I think they were trying to pull the wool over our eyes. The song was so well crafted, clever, and amusing that it seemed like it was made by a team of specialist who worked around the clock for hours. Nice job guys.
Next come one of the most amazing duos of our time: Craig Sadar and The Chad. These guys wrote a very amusing skit called Stoner’s in Paradise. It was a well written piece about the open market exchange of oregano. I will write more on this skit once I find out what “Being Stoned” Means.
A strange occurrence took place about this time; a group of youngsters called “freshmen” took the stage. They did a bit called what you can get for a dollar, they created a variety of humorous outcomes and should be applauded that they didn’t stoop so low as to incorporate the 20 minute phone call joke. The amusing skit turned out to be a plug for the freshmen haunted house (shocked expression). They then went about the audience begging…I mean asking for donations of one dollar for the candy fund. Which those who had no intentions of cussing this evening gladly donated.
After the anarchy that followed freshmen running free throughout the audience it’s good that a steady hand such as Justin was able to step in and control the audience. He gave a stirring Prose piece called Fireflies. It was a bit about trying/failure, life/death, Dr. Pepper/Mr. Pibb. Trust me it was far to smart for me and look forward to more soul searching tales.
Just Chris jumped onstage and we were surprised to see him without his trademark guitar. It was like seeing the lone ranger without his mask, Thor without his hammer, Rico without a trusty Alibi. But even without his weapon of Choice. Chris still wowed the audience with his vocal beat box abilities. He gave a stirring rendition using only his lips, saliva, and air from his mouth. I suppose there was a better way to explain that but I’m tired.
Speaking of music, Yale come onstage with what I assume was an original song…although it might not be (remember big oldies). In any case it was performed wonderfully. It was so good, it inspired a single individual in the far back to start clapping…he was all by himself, but gosh golly darn it he clapped his little heart out.
A newcomer to stage by the name of Kanal (I am certain that is misspelled and I am sorry). Special K displayed his unique vocal abilities. Starting with impersonations of such classic characters as Stich from “Lilo and Stich”, the woodchuck from “Full House”, and Gollum from LOTR (if I have to explain those initials, the rest of this site is going to be pretty confusing). He also gave us an audio visit to a dentist office. As one who has worn braces for most of his life, this was a particularly hard hitting demonstration. Well done.
The always entertaining Bridgette Richards was on deck, with some totally terrific tap dancing. (yeah alliteration) Bridgette Tapped here little brains out, with a bit she called the Mid-term. Trust me Bridgette you passed….hmm I don’t know how to compliment this without sounding like flirting. Bridgette way to go, and you can sure dance girlfriend. (Okay that didn’t sound like flirting…it just sounded stupid).
Sarah was up with one of the best acts of the night. As an Ed major Sarah was worried about teaching poetry so she thought she would try her out chops, by telling a poem at TED. It was five words, all of them swears, money in the bank. Way to go Sarah.
Another newcomer to Ted decided to entertain the crowd. His name was Adam and he had a little story about a man and his dog. It was told in the classic speech style, complete with the little black book. The tale consisted of a very “special” relationship between man and beast that my 10 year old like mind could not even begin to comprehend. It was well performed, it was outrageous, and it was hilarious. Way to go Adam.
A personal Friend and Co-star from student television named Mike decided to present a bit called phonies. In which case he asked to see a cell phone from the audience. Once he had secured the cell phone and was a good distance from the owner, he said the bit was called “prank phone calls.” After a few technical difficulties the prank phone call was finally produced use a number from the phones memory. It was a prank involving police threats and parental disappointment. It was perfect for Ted.
Our final act was from the very handsome Lewis Miller (he was the only director this semester to cast me). He performed a Blink 182 song called family values. It was a minute long song that contained nothing but cuss words. The donations for the swear jar came flying in from every corner of the audience. Lewis way to help out charity in the most humorous of ways.
So that’s the night’s entertainment I would like it to be known by one and all that by charging a nickel for every cuss word we made a 11 dollars for TED’s fund. That pretty much sums up the high class people TED has to offer and why I fit in so well. Good job, from every one of the performers and there’s nothing left to say but…
THEATRE OF TED: ENTHUSIASTIC APPLUASE.
Craig Sadar w/ how not to get a girlfriend
Mary and Pivan
Leslie w/ Improv (featuring Erica, Ross, The Chad, Craig, Brian, and Kasha)
Ab-a-gad-rows number w/ Chris and Rob
Michael Schmeck w/ an announcement
Wingus: a journey through the Liver.
Craig and the Chad w/ Stoners in Paradise
The Haunted House announcement
Justin w/ Fireflies
Yale w/ a song
Kanal and his amazing vocal talents
Sarah w/ the hopping poem
Adam w/ dogs
Mike w/ phonies
Lewis Miller closes w/ a song
Piece(s) of the week:
Adam w/ dogs
Craig and The Chad w/ stoners and paradise (they deserve it for the whole carrot vs. pineapple debate they started)
Dare to Suck Award:
Leslie w/ Improv
Kanal and his amazing vocal talents
Jaw Dropping Moment:
There were a variety of them in Adam’s piece.
C.J. Tuor (it’s the only way I’m getting back in the awards)
Super Secret Theme: Newcomers, this TED was packed full of first timers and I for one am glad of fresh faces because I’m getting bored in tired old hack comedians in bad suits.