Theatre of


Saturday April 24th 2004

“Year Finale Grande”




List of Performers


Lisa Adams

Craig Sadar

Nick Mikula

Brian Wohl

Ross Fareley

Becky Blomgren

Scott Danielson

Caitlin Barlow

Jeff Blum

Mike Schmeuck

Rico Natale

Ricky Rodregiuez

David Odell Harmon

Nick Izzo

Shay-nah ___

Chris Sauber

Michael Montgomery

Chris Weise

Jon Legat

Tom Pleviak

Steve Yap

Josh _____

Zach Hoesly

Myk Martillo

Erica Schmeuck

Leslie Sheppard

Britney _____


Bridget Richards

Zach Franks

C.J. Tuor

Hillary “4-20” Cull

Pete Guither

Italics reserved for first time performers

Bold denotes returning alums


 Approximate Running Time:


Shattering the previous record of 3 hours 42 minutes this one lasted: 4 hours and 27 minutes!!!


 Number of Performance pieces: 26


 Attendance: 120 + (didn’t get an actual read)




Russell’s Rant:


Lots of people can say lots of things about this season of Theatre of TED. But I will lay my cards out here for everyone to see.

Over the summer I secretly plotted on how I could improve TED and reach out to those who had never gone, but had always been curious. I wanted to reach not only the college, but also the community. I had big plans. I shot for the stars so I could hit the moon. I had it all worked out, a failsafe tri-branch system of government that would keep TED supported. And it dawned on me that the biggest supporters of TED would be the people who had never heard of it…freshmen.

At that first meeting at the department I knew I had a big piece of Ammo waiting to be launched at an unexpecting crowd. TED was still looked down upon by the faculty, but I was not looked down upon for being in control of TED. A good situation to improve TED’s acceptance.

I shouted out to the freshmen class, hoping to attract a few newcomers…Little did I know what actual effect it would have on TED.

Members of the freshmen class, there were about 50 of you who were very very loyal to TED this year and helped break some previous records and made TED so nice again. Correct me if I’m wrong but it seemed like TED this year became “popular”. I was so happy that TED had reached to others the same way that It had reached to me. Thank You for letting me know that whilst you all are still around TED will stay alive (the next four or maybe five or even six years if Ebonie has anything to do with it…). Keep it going, it is your responsibility and your privilege.


Old School Tedsters (with the exception of Pete), we graduated, we saw it fall and we saw it fly again and for the ones who truly loved TED I think we were all touched.


Pete, thank you, thank you, thank you a million times for your guidance and helping hand. You did some outstanding work for TED this year and I think that most people have no idea how much work goes into the things we do behind the scenes. This man deserves a Medal, or at least something better than a friggin pencil and pen set!


Fellow Executive Committee members, you guys are awesome. I love you all. We started out very strong and it kind of waned until there were just a handful of us left to meet, but most everyone attended most of the meetings. None of the awesome stuff we got accomplished this year i.e. Chad Wise, Return of Winter Ball, 4 square, Fine Arts Festival, Mock Prom, C.J.’s Stand Up special, and just being at TED almost every night, could have been done without your cooperation and sacrifice. This makes me happy and makes me feel fortunate that I got to work with you all so closely on something we all loved. So much of your free time was devoted to these amazingly huge projects, yet not a soul, NOT A SOUL received money, favor or any sort of payment but the look of happiness on the faces of the people who enjoyed the event that we had put so much time into. I will dare you to raise the bar next year but what we accomplished this year I think was “pushing the limits”.


To all the TED fans and people who have come to support us, thank you, thank you so much. After all the audience is what makes people want to perform. As an audience member you have a job to be accepting of whatever you see at TED, and this year’s audiences were absolutely amazing. I never felt that I had to justify any choice, or felt as if I were being evaluated, I only felt acceptance, and that should be how it is.


To that Guy / Girl who always comes to TED but doesn’t have the nerve to perform. Don’t worry. I was once just like you. Give it a chance…it could change your life.


Dan, You plowed the field and planted the seed.

I hope I nurtured it and made it grow good for ya.



Host Notes:


The lights were turned off, and two shadowy figures entered into the room. The first shadowy figure stood stage right, the second settled into an easy chair.

The lights were on and another matrix parody scene took place.

Matt (as Keanu yet again): whoa…who are you

Dan: Hello, Matthew I am the Former Host.

Basically a scene parodying the architect scene from matrix reloaded took place with the former host saying how he designed the TED and ending with the only choice for the both of the graduating seniors, they had to proceed through the door, to the REAL WORLD. (Transcript maybe available soon).


After that an announcement was made to stir the giant crowd into a bigger frenzy, MOCK PROM NEXT WEEK along with the (when completed) 60-HOUR FOUR SQUARE MARATHON!


By the way the marathon raised about $3380 for student scholarships and it was all thanks to TED and the hard work of many people.


Craig’s Random corner was next and it never fails to either make you laugh, scratch your head and say “what the hell?” or both.

A discovery made in this week’s random corner was that drunk girls will dance with Craig until they see his face.


Shay-nah was next with something creative and clever…well my host notes say “interesting poem with best sheet and scent” glean from that what you will. Um, yeah—


Moving right along now to the highly anticipated and always inspiring living canvas slide show presentation on Pete Guithers cool new digital projector system, it showed some great video as well as cool slides taken from last years living canvas presentation. Groans were heard after the slideshow was over because people wanted more but Pete simply told everyone to come to the Living Canvas this summer for more. (By the way it was great).


Scott Danielson then presented the TED audience with a real treat a dramatic reading of his one and only attempt at writing a dramatic script entitled That’s A Good Boy Michael. Which he informed the audience, the only reason he wrote it was because of a lie he was telling the barber when he was getting his hair cut to make conversation. The cast included a drunken father, a sick mother, a helpful reverend, and a determined young man named Michael, as well as a police officer. I can not do the play justice here, but a synopsis goes like this Dad is drunk all the time and his wife is dying of cancer so she coughs a lot. The two children are mistreated a lot by dad, but mom is always there to protect them. But then mom dies and the kids are alone with dad. For some reason or another dad kills Michael and has sweet sweet sex with his daughter. Who at the chilling to be continued conclusion seems almost willing to spill her guts to the helpful reverend.

The audience response to this one was fantastic. Had to be there, but im sure if you ask Scott for the script he’ll consider selling it to you for a price.


Tom Pleviak was next with another preview for his vocal recital and dedicated it to the graduating senior class by performing “Unlimited” from the Broadway show Wicked. It was great as always hearing Tom’s wonderful voice.


Matt Russell was next with “Matt Russell’s 5 (or so) easy steps for a rap song. Using willing / unwilling volunteers from the audience he assembled a motley crew of guys and gals and gave them each a specific part of the rap song which he conducted at will.

And it went like this: Bass Beat, high pitched annoying noise, a bunch of rhyming words, a chorus comprised entirely of vowels (ahem “AYYEEEIOOOUUUU”) and finally the coup d’ etat, a degrading comment directed towards women, “BITCH, suck my dick-hole!” I guess you could also pepper your song with record scratches.


Now its time for Caitlin and Jeff with It’s the News, one of my most favorite re-occurring skits, except that this year it had been kinda scarce. But Caitlin and Jeff totally made up for it on Saturday. Highlights include that much like ender in Enders game, Bush actually thought he was playing a videogame instead of actually waging war on Iraq. Following the path of the Dodo, the Tamogachi had gone extinct, Even retards can be sexy, the knife fight in ‘A View from the Bridge’ was actually a tribute to Zoot Suit. During these readings of news Matt realized that they had raided his closet and decided to put on his clothes whilst doing the newscast. If that wasn’t enough Caitlin and Jeff made a musical tribute to all the worlds events for the last year all to the tune of We Didn’t Start the Fire (my favorite of favorite songs!) and it was done soooo weelllll—



HOLY BEESTING! It’s the Dueling Gay Hitlers! It only took them about 2 and a half years to actually make an appearance at TED! And the suspense is killing me especially after their announcement at the first new Ted saying that they would be coming soon (not documented and hey what the hell happened? Host notes didn’t use to be so detailed), what could it be??? It was a thumb war between the two gay hitlers.

As well as some hilarious dual (pun intended) comedy action by the Hitlers. And there they go off the stage and on to swim the English Channel.


But the News isn’t finished yet in fact they have one last important news story to be read and they told the audience that on one episode of It’s the News, they had a belligerent weatherman played by your host Matt Russell and they wanted to have him read the last story of the year. It was a very emotional read for your humble host and it was very touching. Can’t say much else.

Steve Yap was next with why he loves America (look for sarcasm) it was basically a beat poem about how and why America is really looking like a steaming pile of red hot turd.


Chocolate Thunder was next with an improv scene. This scene starred the Lake Park Boys as the Chocolate Thunder improv team, they took suggestions from the audience where Mike had Turrets syndrome, Rico had a Bald head, Jared had no Balls, Ricky was a Gay porn star, and Caitlin was sexually molested by her father…ready, GO! And then they did a scene that had nothing to do with ANY of the suggestions.


Josh was next with a poem, called ode to a village movie theatre…I’ll let you figure it out what it was about.


David Harmon and Lisa Adams were next with a movement exploration scene from Hamlet; it was very interesting in how the movements made heightened the dramatic tension between the characters.


What does Zach Hoesky do in his spare time? We found out in the next skit where Zach put on some karaoke music and painted a huge mole on his face and dressed up like Enrique Inglesias to sing I want to be you’re hero baby. Hilarious.


Myk Martillo was next with an original song which was well received by the audience, I didn’t catch the title, so sorry, but it was nicely done.


Erica, Diana and Becky were next with a quick plug for the freshman one acts. (They were very well done).


The mean Squirrel was next which was a story about a Squirrel that terrorized a town, that squirrel sure was a bastard.


Blog Inspired Part 2 was performed by Leslie Shepard reading from Laurie Sharps blog, this time the entry’s were all about the dreaded L word, NO, not Leukemia! Love!


Nostalgic Poetry Infusion was next with Bridgette, Britney and Michelle. The Poetry was comprised entirely of Crappy 80’s songs. It was received very well and was quite creative.


Brian was back for Spirographology: the FINAL Chapter. The first spirographology Brian was sober, the second one, Brian was Drunk, so the third one, Brian got the Spirograph Drunk and then foretold many a fortune using the spirograph. Hilarity ensues.


Diana and Becky were next with everything I learned about effort actions I learned from Paul. They brought up Matt Russell to, ahem, demonstrate the movements on him…um…yeah.


And the final event for the evening, “organized” by Craig Sadar the Theatre of TED Roast of Matt Russell.


Many hilarious things were said and done to Matt. Highlights include Craig confusing everyone but himself in his roast, Zach Franks confusing Craig but not everyone else right back. C.J. Stating that Matt’s Silent Bob impression, which he is so proud of, is not really an impression “come on, you having a beard and being fat is not an impression.” Comments about Matts unusual behavior when drunk for the first time (throwing water out the door was the most fun game ever) and unusual behavior after the first time (lampshade man) and how Vodka is Matt’s only true friend. But like all comedy central roasts it was more complimentary than insulting (most insult points go to C.J.) Several seductive ladies professed their undying love for Matt to which Matt said “sorry I’m taken” and a million dollars was given to him as well.

Perhaps one of the best surprises was when Matt’s good friends Jon and Chris had him come onstage blind folded and put on a towel. And successfully gave him a pie in the crotch followed by a pie in the face…Matt smelled like rancid milk for the rest of the evening.


*Actual events may be altered.



So I lied. It was my last full-fledged TED show so I wanted the last word damnit. I decided to do a musical tribute to my five years in college to the tune of American Pie, Myk Martello on guitar. Thanks Myk.


And thank you everyone for the Fantastic Memories, they will stay with me forever.



Enthusiastic Applause 



Performance Pieces:


Intro / What is the TED?

Mike w/ A Thank You

Craig’s Random Corner

Shay-Nah w/ something creative and clever

Pete Guither w/ The Living Canvas

A Dramatic Reading w/ Scott and Co.: That’s A Good Boy Michael

Tom w/ a preview and a dedication

Matt Russell’s 5 (or so) easy steps for creating Rap Songs

Caitlin and Jeff w/ It’s The News

Sauber and Monty w/ DUELING GAY HITLERS!

Steve Yap: Why I love America

Chocolate Thunder

Josh w/ a Poem

What Zach Hoesly does in his spare time…

Myk w/ a song

David and Lisa w/ I’ll get YOU to a nunnery…

Erica, Diana and Becky w/ a public service announcement

The Mean Squirrel

Blog Inspired pt. 2

Bridget, Britney and Michelle w/ Nostalgic Poetry Infusion

A Shout out to Percussionists

Spirographology: The FINAL Chapter

Diana and Becky w/ Everything I learned about effort actions I learned from Paul…

Theatre of TED Roast of Matt Russell

Swan Song




Performance Piece(s) of the week:


It’s the News

Dramatic Reading w/ Scott and Co.: That’s A Good Boy Michael

Living Canvas



Dare to Suck award:

Dueling Gay Hitlers

Nostalgic Poetry Infusion



During the Roast:

C.J.: (to Tom Pleviak) If I hear you do ONE MORE Stewie impression I will SHOOT you—

Tom: (as stewie) Victory is Mine!

C.J.: (pulls out Cap Gun from pocket and Shoots Tom)



 Super Secret Hidden Theme of the WEEK:



Many of the skits performed tonight were over 10 minutes long, but you know what? Those skits were ALL A++ material.





*hidden themes are the unintentional repetition of something throughout the TED of that week.