Theatre of Ted

Host Notes

First off, I, the lost Skryker, would like to apologize for writing these so late. I had to haunt Corrie Eddleman all during the run of Pride's Crossing so…you know how it goes. Also, I would like to apologize it these Host Notes suck.

Running Time: 2 Hours

Total in Attendance: 90

Matt Russel
Dan Huffines
Rico Natale
Jared Winkler
Cassie Vlahos
The Hooters
Andrea O'Brien
CJ Tuar
Chorus Line folk
Kenny Metroff
Nick Mickula
Chris Smith
Lislie Shepard
Lyndsay Shwaun
Courtney Rouix
Caitlin Barlow
Jeff Blum

Number of Performances: 23

Dan started us off with an Editorial~ Dan warmed all of our hearts by sharing the story of a little boy and his dream of participating in the Special Olympics. When the boy, who was only mildly retarded, applied for the Special Olympics, he was rejected for being for being born the way he was. Then he was hit by a truck and became a paraplegic. Not being able to talk made him special enough. This story reminded me of Michael Jackson. He over came racism within the music industry only to…and become white…wait no…that doesn't make any sense.

Next was Rico and Jared with "Something" and by something they meant a "rejected scene". The audience was touched by their moving scene. They quiviled between one another on how to start the scene…and that was it. Or was it? I think it was really deep. And if you didn't get it you are not an artist and never will be. "If you are laughing now wait until we start the scene"

Matt Russell with TV spot #1 showed us how to smoke a recess like a doobie…common Matt, I appreciate the creativity, but this is Theatre of Ted, most of us already knew how to smoke a recess.

Cassie performed a lovely song that she wrote about what would happen if Jared could fly. Sunny with a chance of Jared.

Then up was...

Rico and Jared showed us a preview of the full length movie that they filmed wrote and employed their friends in themselves. The showing will be at the Normal Theatre sometime next semester. They will also be selling DVD's. You should go…yes you the reader of this, sitting in your chair eating Lucky Charms in your underwear and the t-shirt that you bought when you were in Fiddler on the Roof when you were in high school.

Matt Russell with TV spot #2 showed us how to eat a recess like a retard…common Matt I appreciate the creativity, but this is Theatre of Ted, most of us already know how to read a recesses like a big retard.

The Hooters with "Decoding speech" did a little translating of what guys and girls really mean when they say stuff to members of the opposite sex. My favorite quote was "How much can you suck at being a hole." Trust me folks, it is funny in and out of context.

Emily sang a gorgeous song from a musical that she had never been in but she wanted to sing it…yay you! She's got a real set of pipes.

Andrea O'Brien was shown something that she was not ready for, so she showed us right back! You're a goddess girlfriend! (This was her first time performing too!)

Drake read us a Walt Whitman poem entitled "Spontaneous me". I think we all had a Dead Poets Society moment. Thank you

Matt Russell showed us how to eat a recess off a dead hooker's ass in TV spot #3…common Matt, I appreciate the creativity, but this is theatre of Ted. I think that most of us know how to eat recesses off of a dead hooker's ass. Dead hookers, comic gold.

Mary with a human braid read us a fascinating exposition on psychology as a science and its place in the everyday lives of people. May high lighted the important issue of separating science from the human spirit.

Bj read an emotional short story that she wrote herself about love and nookie that could not be had to matter how bad they both wanted it…it was very moving. Forbidden nookie is a timeless theme : )

Nikki entertained us with a short dramatic pontification of why she is getting a "D" in chemistry. Baby, this was hysterical and who cares about chemistry when you figured out that Maria was probably on shrooms. The scientific world will never be the same after gaining this knowledge.

Then came CJ with a hilarious stand-up act…CJ you are funny as cancer, in a good way…here are some quotes for ya!
"You would never see a racist nerd. In order to be a racist you need an air of superiority. If you memorize the named of Star Trek characters you are not superior to anyone."
"He looks so peaceful (referring to a corpse). What would the alternative be? He looks stressed."
CJ…I want you to rule the world.

Next up was member of the Chorus Line cast dance a singular sensational number for us! Room 301 Centennial West? More like BROADWAY!

As the Chorus Line was finishing up Morpheus Russell transported himself to us and told us of our visitor for next week, Chad Weise o' the New Millennium Theatre fame. Wazzah!

Following Morpheus came Justin with "A Return to Normalcy". He read us a personal story about his return to a melancholy state, the usual. Hey man, I really believe there is a place for sadness in the world. A lot of beauty can come from it. Would  of the great works of art be here if people were happy all the freaking time? Thank you for turning your burden into something beautiful.

Speaking of sadness, Kenny performed for us the infamous "picture looking exercise". He really had a break through. Kenny, I felt you completely connected to that picture of Bob Saget….Kenny, I think you should start a support group. You are not alone.

Next up with Nick Mikula and Chris Smith with "a Neanderthal birds and the bees talk". It was a primitive version of the talk that we all had with our parents to learn about sex, minus the sock puppets. I'm glad you guys could use Ted as an outlet of therapy to recover from the trauma that is the sex talk with the folks.

The Lake Park Boys came up with "A friend or since we've been gone". They introduced their new friend Booby, a loveable tard. Bobby was very friendly and asked us "What are you dooooin'?"

Lindsey and Leslie dazzled us with their original tap dance to the Newsies. Damn girls, tap and newsies…you know how to please a crowd!

Next was Chris Smith with his original "Hallow". Again sir, thank you for turning sadness into something beautiful.

Courtney and Rico showed us how not to pick up a girl. Rico offered little Courtney a piece of candy. We were all surprised to hear a little girl voice come out of the buxom Courtney. So, wait, your saying it's not cool to pick up little girls with candy?

Leslie came up with drumming. It had us all gyrating on the tiled floor I can tell you that!

Finally, Jeff and Caitlin did the news…It sucked as usual and they talked about 9-11 which was offensive. I hate you two.

Wrap up

Performance Pieces
TV Spot Number 1
Dan with an editorial
Rico and Jared with Sumthang
TV spot number 2
Cassie w/a song
Rico and Jared w/Something else, rejected scene
TV Spot #3
Hooters w/Decoding speech
Emily w/a song
Andrea O'Brien w/ It's a first
Drake w/Spontaneous me
Mary w/Human Braid
BJ w/ for a friend
Nikki w/ Why I am getting a D in Chemistry
CJ w/stand up
A Chorus Line
Justin w/ a return to Normalcy
Kenny Metroff w/ Picture thing
Nick Mikula and Chris Smith w/Neandrathal Birds and Bees
LP boys w/A friend or since we've been gone
Leslie and Lynsday w/a tap
Chris Smith w/Hallow
Courtney and Rico w/Things you shouldn't do it pick up a girl
Leslie w/ Drumming
Caitlin and Jeff with the new


Performance Piece of the week
Nikki with Why I am getting a D in Chemistry
CJ Tuars w/Stand up
Andrea O'Brien w/It's a first

The Dare to Suck award
Chirs Smith w/Hallow
Justin w/Return to Normalcy
BJ w/for a friend
It take a lot of ball to read really personal stuff

Twinkle Toe Award
Leslie Shepard for Chorus Line, Tap and Drumming!!