Mrs. Besley's Class
Notes from class September 27, 2003
Angela (Erica's Friend)
Matthew Ryan Russell
Courtney Rioux (A+ for the day)
Italics denotes that you were late to class, and you presented for the first time
If your name is incomplete, that is not my fault, it is yours. After all I am a substitute teacher.
Approximate Running Time:
One-Hour and Forty-Three minutes.
Approximately 83 students attended class this week
There were 20 student projects presented this week for a grade. Many of them received a grade of D or lower. Disappointing.
A former student of mine, one Matt Russell, had begun a class in order to subordinate my teachings. A very foolish idea. Matt was about to be ready for teaching his class when I intercepted him with a Smirnoff Ice (laced with nytol). Needless to say the greedy, ugly boy guzzled down his free beverage and hit the pavement with a resounding thud. I then took his place and immediately found a dirty magazine hiding in the cupboard. Probably a students no less. I was immediately appauled when I came into my classroom to find that all of the students were behaving badly. I intended to stop this. A young student named bob kept laughing at me so I made him write on the board.
I Pointed out that no one should be reading pornographic magazines in my classroom. Needless to say I flung that idiotic filth out of my hands. And to the side of the room. I assume that moronic bob boy, took the magazine seeing as it was gone by the end of the night.
I found loose sloppy directions on how to run Matt's classroom, and proceded to run it my way. I then told the class as punishment for finding pornography in the classroom I would submit them to hackneyed comedy and terrible singing and skits of all kinds. How delightfully dull.
Theatre of Ted Enthusiastic Applause.
Notes from Class:
The first student presentation for the evening was given to us by Mr. Steve Nelson. A silly boy who just can't seem to stay out of trouble. In fact it seems like young Mr. Nelson has pissed off the residence halls and might be getting kicked out of school. I say good riddance. For some reason he decided to read from Malcom X's book. I don't know much about Malcom X, I don't believe in equality in blacks and whites but I do know he read for entirely too long. A lackluster performance.
Ms. Erica Schmueck and her friend Angela had missed their music class so I was instructed to give them a grade based on their original song, complicated or some such nonsense like that. The song was sung lovely by the two girls, but the performance flair was missing.
Mr. Tyson was next with a report on how dreadful his teenage life is. I have news for you Tyson, it only gets worse. Try being a middle age divorcee who's ex husband ran off with a circus clown to "be gay with each other." It seemed that Mr. Tyson has too many addresses and is too stupid to remember them all or something like that. I don't know I wasn't paying much attention.
Mr. Daniel Huffines was next to promote his Fraternity, the Fraternity of Awesome Guys or FAG for short. I have expressly forbidden this kind of nonsense in promoting greek life on campuses, because Gyros give me the shits something fierce. Try harder on your next presentation Dan.
Mr. Matthew R. Russell presented next a poem that it sounded like it took approximately the break inbetween classes to do. A silly little thing but I am not much for poetry. I can't judge it very well so...
Mr. Enrico Natale and Ms. Courtney Rioux (a delightful girl : ) ) presented a dreadful scene entitled "what not to do when trying to pick up a girl". Mr. Natale did a disgusting desplay of "erotic" movements when he grabbed Ms. Rioux's arm. That was naughty.
F for Mr. Natale
A+ for Ms. Rioux
Another music absence brought Ms. Sarah Torbeck to my class this evening. It seems that she was trying to take over my class and make it a sort of "Chuck E. Cheeses". She began playing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody on the Class CD player and demanded that the class sing and dance along with the song. The class responded grately. I do NOT appreciate insubordination in my classroom.
Mr. Nicholas Izzo and Mr. Enrico Natale (going for extra credit I see) Presented another student project. This time it centered around the "worst roommate ever". This little skit looks like it was prepared an hour before class...and not even rehearsed. Poor, poor work.
D- for Mr. Izzo
D for Mr. Natale
My transvestite student, Mr. Thomas Pleviak, did a well rehearsed and well dressed impersination of MAMA from Chicago and performed Mama's song from the film Chicago. The class seemed to love it. I hate Chicago, the city and the play.
Mr. Michael Schmueck decided to bore us all with a trite love story centered around a meeting at one of Matt's Theatre of Ted classes. How touching. However it did not fufill the needs of the assignment.
Nick, Mark, Mr. RJ the 3rd and Chris presented their group project entitled "The Medical Symposium" It seems that they have done their research on how to tell patients that they are about to die. Researched fairly well.
Ms. Adrienne Canzolino presented her project entitled "some crap, beware". A charming title. Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. That is all I can say. Ms. Canzolino ranted on and on about a piece of fecal matter that wouldn't flush down the toilet.
Technofighting was the name of the next piece presented by some students. I forgot what their names were since no one bothered to sign in on the sign in sheet. And my daily dose of Zantac 75, Zyrtech and Zhsyloprofolonine. Had decided to kick in all at once. This piece was demonstrating how people can fight and produce techno music. The class loved it. I only assume that these two young gentlemen know about technology music through going to "raves" or some such silly party name like that. I know what they do at raves and it usually involves smoking a substantial amount of the marijuana.
Grade: F for drug use.
Sarah Torbeck decided to get on my good side by presenting another assignment to me since her first one brought about complete chaos in my classroom. She sang the impossible dream from Les Miserables. I don't know how many times I have heard that dreadful song. Every time I hear it, it makes me dry heave. Ms. Torbeck did a very nice job singing, however the song gave me a taste of bile in my mouth.
I always enjoy getting the news so when Mr. Jeffory Blum and Ms. Caitlin Barlow decided to show us their presentation of the News, I was delighted. That is until I found out that Mr. Blum and Ms. Barlow knew nothing of news and proceeded to tell fake "funny" news stories. This was most appauling when Mr. Blum decided to show large pictures of female genitalia in my classroom. It was a complete outrage.
F for Mr. Blum
F for Ms. Barlow
Ms. Rebecca Kusar, another renegade music student sent my way due to budget cuts, decided to sing a tribute to Johny Cash. Ms. Kusar admitted that she did not do her research on Mr. Cash so she proceded to sing a song by Mr. John Denver. Spend more time on Research. I like Mr. Denver Better than Mr. Cash.
Grade: C+, I love John Dener
Ms. Caitlin Barlow and Ms. Donnelle Fuller decided to present us with a commentary on TLC Daytime programming. For some reason this skit seems vaguely familiar. Oh yes, I've read the host notes, and it seems that this same sketch was performed the last two weeks in a row. However they felt that they would fling peanut butter on the walls in order to get a better grade. Guess what, it worked !
Mr. Enrico Natale, Mr. Nicholas Izzo, Mr. Michael Schmeuck and Mr. Jared Winkler all decided to do a impromptu group project. This project centered around Mr. Natale's untimely death. Mr. Izzo actually seemed happy about it. It was not a very happy presentation.
Lastly Mr. Dan and Mr. Jeffory Blum decided to persue some extra credit together. Jeff was demonstrating what a talkative roommate he had and showed us what he would talk about. Jeffory this was highly uneducational. I am not interested in your homosexual lifestyle.
Well all in all a very poor showing of students in my classroom (except for that lovely Courtney Rioux Girl) perhaps more tests are in order. Till the next time when I take over...
Theatre of Ted "Enthusiastic Applause", but what for? All of the assignments were disgusting.
Teachers Gold Star Award:
I finally hacked through the system
Hey everyone it's Matt! I can't believe that Bitch Mrs. Besley freakin' knocked me out. I don't remember a damn thing. I certainly don't remember Ted. I was GONE. So don't bother asking me about TED.
But I did hear about it so here are my awards:
Dare To Suck Award:
Sarah Torbecks Sing-Along (way to get the party jumpin' with your first piece)
Jeff Blum and his Huge blown up pictures of Vaginas WOW.
Black Pride award: