Theatre of


Saturday September 20th 2003


List of Performers


Dan Huffines

Yale (insert last name here)

T.J. Velazquez

Steve Yap

Chad Gerzadfkjwoeewetkz

Enrico Natale

Mike Schmueck

Erica Schmueck

Matt Russell (MRR)

Jeff Blum

Caitlin Barlow

Tom Pleviak

Chris Weise

Pete Guither

Steve Nelson

Bob Boehle

Lindsey Hufford

Lisa Adams

Allison Daniel

Mike Martello

Donnelle Fuller

Doris (ummm--)

Risha (I don't know)


*italics denote a new performer at TED


Approximate Running Time:

1 hour and 44 minutes of pure happy.


Number of Performance pieces:






Russell's Rant:

WHACHAAAAA! Well it looks like TED is coming Back strong with very little drop off in attendance from last week. So I guess we aren't offending as much as we should. Just Kidding. It was cool to see TED strong again on Saturday despite the lure of a Theatre Party across the way. Even Residents of the House Throwing the party were in attendance. Good thing they came also, cause we had another well rounded show!



Host Notes:



The lovely Evening Started out with a Statement prepared by the Theatre of Ted committee apologizing for having the Best Jew category last year on the Goldfarb nominations, even though the best Jew category had been on every Goldfarb since its conception. And even though none of the nominees were offended. But we were here to apologize. Matt singled out a single Jew in the audience to apologize to, Samuel RosenburgSteinFeildman, who was resentful in making himself a representative of his people. This angered a Drunken Irishman to Start calling him a "Noah's ark wannabe" and this made Samuel call him a "Drunken Turf cutter" Matt put a quick stop to this in order to continue the apology to Samuel. Matt asked that the audience repeat what he had written down. Samuel got a bit angry during the apology when Matt mentioned killing God's only son, but the message of apology was received. No one was more touched than the Drunken Irishman who demanded that he get up to apologize for offending Samuel. He then proceeded to take a drink of his guiness and pee himself.



(just a quick note to everyone, that last piece was adapted from a very funny Upright Citizens Brigade sketch, gotta give credit where credit's due people!)


First up is Yale and T.J. with Me and Julio down by the Schoolio / If I had a million dollars. This delightful duet featured Yale on guitar and both young men lending their vocal pipes for the audiences enjoyment. Both songs had the audience groovin'. I tell you what, If I had a million dollars I'd probably waste it on charities or something STUPID like that.


Steve and Chad with Why Instant Messenger is Keeping me Single was next. Although it looked unrehearsed and both actors seemed to be on book, the diologue was delivered truly. This piece centered around why Steve couldn't get laid over the internet. As shown sometimes those smiley face symbols on IM are sarcastic.


Next up--But WAIT! I'm so hungry! Rico Natale was so hungry also! But where could we get something to eat? OH MAN, there's now a BAKERY OF TED! HOLY CRAPBALLSCOCKSHITPOO! Some nice people have donated baked goods and their time for us to sell their cookies and brownies and other such things at ted and ALL MONEY GOES TO FUNDING TED EVENTS! "What baked goods were there" one might ask. To which I reply, you'll just have to come to find out, cause much like TED, the BAKERY of TED is unpredictable from week to week with what Items are available. Wow! We all win! After a quick cookie break, we went back to the show.


Mike Schmueck came up to tell a bit of a sad story about how he was busted with Drug Paraphanelaialia (yeah I know its misspelled, if you don't like it then kiss my booty) and How he will soon be making his 6th, that's right SIXTH court appearance for possessing, not smoking out of, a pipe. Do I smell a Drug War rant coming on? YOU BET, but that ain't for right now.


Next Up was Matt Russell or as he goes by his nickname MRR (pronounced murrr) OKAY I know what you are thinking. This is not me, the host and president Matt Russell, THIS IS A DIFFERENT Matt Russell, seriously. Weird huh? Ah well, Matt entitled his presentation The Lady Bugs are Biting, however he read a different poem that ended up in confession of being a poser Gothic kid.


Chad Greskawtzerwikez was up next with The Day you Fell. I really liked this poem personally and I hope Chad will give us a digital copy to post in the GALLERY which should OPEN SOON. The gallery will have stuff that might not be the best thing to do at ted (like written word or visual artwork). Anyways Chad's poem was extremely sensitive and heartfelt.


It's Jeff and Caitlin with It's The News! For real this time! Jeff and Caitlin Talked about some very pressing issues this time dealing with oral contraceptives, budget cuts, entertainment and snack foods from Nabisco. "A stoned Representitive was quoted as saying man I love those Nabisco snacks like those nutter butter cookies. Nutter butter who thought of that name butter nutter. Wait did I just say butter nutter? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh man." Really funny Stuff. They also presented same old shit different week like Ben and Jen are still breaking up/ making up they are both still wating for Gilgi to break even at the Box office and we all still don't care. HILARIOUS.


Tom Pleviak assisted by Chris Weise performed the Star Wars Cabanna song. The song was a surprise to Chris, who did not know he was going to be performing, yet performed anyways. Chris Graduated last year and it is always awesome seeing an old friend performing at TED again.


NOW it is time for a drug rant! YEP, Pete Guither is back giving more information on the War on Drugs. This week he announced that of the former comedy duo of cheech and chong was put into a federal prison. Tommy Chong was arrested just for making glass bongs and pipes. It's good to know that the government is focusing on what is important. Where's Osama? It almost sounds like a childrens book where you are looking for the 6 foot mass murdering arab in a desert, but he ain't anywheres around. Meth Labs in California were charged for weapons of mass destruction. So THAT'S WHERE THEY WERE THIS WHOLE TIME! And we were bombing IRAQ, silly us. No hard feelings? : D


Lindsey and Rico showed us what NOT to do to pick up a girl. Lindsey sat on a bench whilst Rico had a unique way of trying to pick her up--by slapping his ass a whole bunch. Definitely what NOT to do--I can see my mistakes clearly now.


I then used my magic--scuse me I meant Presidential powers to call a 5 minute stretch break.

Steve and Bob with Vacate was next. An awesome array of original music dueted by Steve on Vocals and Bob on Vocals and Guitar/drumming on guitar. A peppy couple o' musical numbers that seemed to get the audience really involved. I loved hearin' em rock it out.


Next up was a confession by Erica. Erica Schmueck, Mike Schmueck's younger sister confessed that she was there at the first ted and without notification witnessed her older brother get completely naked last week during the opening of TED. Erica also confessed that as a result she had been hanging out with Mike's Girlfriend Caitlin and decided to ask her out there on the spot. Much to everyones surprise, Caitlin accepted-- this prompted Rico and Mike to come up to the stage holding hands and they each said that they had a confession to make--that the rumors were true. Rico then pinned mike to the ground and started to embrace him--when I pulled out the make shift "fire hose" to stop them (flinging water from the sink onto the two would be lovers). Good Stuff.


Doris and her friend (Raisha) performed for their first time at TED a poem that was in the style of "yin and yang". The poem had two parts to it a realistic and a fantastic. An interesting experiment in poetry. Very nice.


Next up was Mike, Lisa and Al with Pickle Ninjitsu. An awesome title since NINJAS ARE WAY SWEETER THAN PIRATES. I didn't catch the names of the songs that they sang, I do know that the second song they sang was from the white stripes though. Anywas the trio did a great job of lending their vocal stylings to TED for the third Guitar assisted piece of the evening. Even though this was the third installment, it was extremely fresh and totally different from the previous pieces.


This leads us to our last piece of the evening Caitlin and Donnelle with a commentary on TLC daytime programming part 2. It centered around two girls talking about a baby's story on TLC when Donnelle asked "what happened to your eye" Caitlin replied "I got Fucked in the skull" or something like that. Okay you two this was the same skit as last time. Cheaters--J/k hell we repeat skits pretty frequently sometimes, just ask mr. Huffer-Duffer Dan Huffines about his "it's new to you" policy.


Enthusiastic Applause



Performance Pieces:


Intro/Apology for Best Jew

Me and Julio down by the schoolio / if I had a million dollars

Steve and Chad with Why Instant Messenger is Keeping me Single

Shameless Bakery of Ted plug

Mike with I want my college money--A Rant

The Lady Bugs are Biting

The Day you Fell

Jeff and Caitlin with It's the News

Tom and Chris with a song

Pete with Sunshine and Rainbows

Things You Should Never Do to Pick up a Girl

Steve and Bob Vacate

A Confession by Erica

Doris and her friend

Mike, Al and Lisa with Pickle Ninjitsu

A Commentary on TLC Daytime programming pt. 2





Performance Piece(s) of the week:


Jeff and Caitlin with It's The News


The Time Muncher Award:


Pete Guither with Sunshine and Rainbows

Hilarious I made a new award for long stuff, we'll see if I keep it.


Dare to Suck award:


Steve and Bob Vacate (standout guitar piece)

Doris and her Friend (so experimental--Me likey)


Don't Blink or you'll miss it like the first time:


Donnelle and Caitlin with A commentary on TLC daytime programming pt. 2

Hilarious again, I made another fake award.




Caitlin Barlow with the Infamous line pertaining too the new more effective pill contraceptives : "There will be less Fruit Punch Face Oral Sex"



Super Secret Hidden Theme of the WEEK:



Three Guitar centered pieces in one night? Talk about a kawinkiedink--breaks the new TED record--which I believe was only one in one night.


*hidden themes are the unintentional repetition of something throughout the TED of that week.