Theatre of TED

January 25, 2003



List of performers


Dan Huffines---Matt Russell---Scott Rosen

Jon Legeat---Caitlyn Barlow---Ricky Rodriguez

Nick Izzo---Jared Winkler---Nick Lamb

Geano---Jenni Stukin---R.J. III


(Italics denotes a new performer at TED)


12 performers at this weeks installment of Ted


Total Attendance


This weeks attendance at Ted ballooned up to 45 as the night went along



Personal Note


Overall good start to the semester. Not the greatest Ted, not the worst, by far. It had its moments (Caitlyn was all over the place!) and should be a nice stepping stone as we get ready for next week, the 1 year anniversary of the rebirth of Theatre of Ted! I can't wait!!



Notes from TED


"Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic Applause"


Every semester, we try and pride ourselves on having a good introduction for the semester, but no this year. I had some random thoughts and decided to express those until I was ready to do my skit. I would tell you about them, but Matt Russell was kind enough to recap it all as he was taking down the Host Notes while I was up, so I thought instead of me talking about myself, I would just write what he had to say about my speech.


Matt Russell: "Dan Rambled on about politics and stupid crap like this. Frankly it was about as entertaining as watching old people fuck."


Well, I didn't even notice what he had written until I sat down to write this and in an effort not to make myself sound better on paper, I would have to agree.


PBS was "proud" to welcome back Henry Henderson's backwoods Clubhouse!! PBS had fired Henry after a short stay in prison while awaiting his upcoming trial for charges that will not be repeated here. However, there was not enough evidence again ole Harry to even go to trial and in an effort to avoid a lawsuit, PBS has given him his old spot back. Henry came out to the delight(?) of children everywhere and showed that his image was the same, but the material was a little more cutting edge. After a rant against PBS and giving free Bubble out to the crowd, Harry welcomed back his long lost friend, Mr. Bear. Mr. Bear and Uncle Henry (as the kids have long called him) then read a story for the children entitled The Adventures of Bashful Bear & Pubical Hare. The story was about the hairiest rabbit in the forrest and how she longed to be clean shaven so her man (Bad Hare) would like here again. The end.


Nick & Caitlyn performed a scene where they were and Irish father and daughter. Not to play on stereotypes, both drank heavily throughout the scene and presented the highest in regards to the idea of what the Irish are really like. This piece had a lot of good moments and watching Nick try to stay in character was funny as hell.


Angels in America III was presented as Geano and John were standing around talking and laughing, until John started to choke and eventually fell to his death from suffocation. Then Scott got up and made the informational statement; "Every time a republican dies, a gay angel gets his wings." Then Geano flew off....


The International White Guy Dance-Off came down to 2 finalists some bearded guy and Mick Dizzo. Music cue---"It's getting hot in here, so take off all..."---You get the idea as the 2 tried to rock the house with moves that had (thankfully) never been seen before. Just kidding guys, it wasn't really that bad, but hey I'm white, what do I know. Mick Dizzo did win the competition, but instead of taking the new found fame and going further with it, like into the night to get girls, a trip home to spend time with one another was more in the cards.


Corporate Whores was exactly that. Myself, Matt and Jenni had a little improve scene discussing what we were wearing and how we really wished we could have a Theatre of Ted t-shirt. Russell was thirsty and was commenting on how he could use a Theatre of Ted mug...I think you get the idea, but it was a light hearted look at some decent products and I'm sure we'll have more infomercials in the future, but at least, now you know.


It's the News started out with a little information about sponsorship in its own right. It seems that in order to get better sets, better lighting, and even a less grumpy weatherman, they will promoting products throughout the news. First off, Aquafina water got plugged as they began to start, but first needed a cool drink.


Each News item was segued with a promotion for another type of product. For example, after the story about UN weapons inspectors finding 14 black boxes in Saddams Palace Bedroom closet and them containing stacks of porn, a demonstration for Vaseline became explosive as Geano was hit when the bottle accidentally discharged.


Sports News---This Sunday is the annual Super Close Homosexual Bowl between Tampa and Oakland. Gannon will be looking to lead his team to victory and they will need his leadership seeing as how he is the team leader in Homo activites, along with Derrick Brookes.


NBC will premeiring a new show called "I'm a Golddigging whore." This title was chosen because the "Anna Nicole Smith Show" had already been taken.


There was a plug for a product called "Herpe-Gone" along with a device to help women who have trouble...ummm, let's say, opening up. It had places for feet and was operated by Jeff as he showed just how easy it truly was.


Jared Becomes a Man was up next as Ricky seemed to be playing a father dealing with his kid (Jared) as he was trying to take up smoking. Jared wanted to smoke so that he could be a man, and once he mastered the childproof lighter, Ricky proclaimed him to be a man and then proceeded to tell him that he now needed to get rid of all his child like things. Namely his comics. Ricky told him about all the things that he must do, now that he is a man. It was Jared reactions that made this piece funny, his constant "No, No!" as we watched his youth being ripped away. Funny Shh...stuff.


Georgette, The French Foreign exchange student (Caitlyn) gave her opinions about the potential war against Iraq. She was French, but still had the stooper of the young Irish girl that she was playing earlier. She had only been in the country for 2 weeks and was reading US newspaper and saw where President Camel-Toe...oh, how you say, uuuhhh, President Bush was going to declare war on Iraq. She don't think it be good idea. She liked Clinton more. Clinton would invite Saddam over and Clinton would be able to stick a cigar up Saddam's ass and things would be better from a more diplomatic approach. Good character though. It was short and was good for what it was. Maybe I should do more of, not multiple characters in one night, but keeping my pieces short...we'll see...


R.J. III performed what he called and Emo poem and to be completely honest I had no idea what I was watching. Fortunately, most of the crowd did and seemed to enjoy it. I'm not familiar with Emo and maybe that had a lot to do with it, but it was a well delivered piece and had some definite moments. It was all about a girl named Melissa and how she had hurt him and was a bit of a sound off. Names, addresses and phone numbers were given, but we won't do that here.


Nick Lamb decided to open the floor up to some Bullshit. He talked about American Idol and how some of the unfairness in the industry, especially the importance on looks, is displayed on that show and only reinforces a level of shallowness in society. He then talked about the incident that happened last week involving Sister Bertha on the 6th floor of Whitten Hall. These incidents are still fresh and under investigation, so to speak, so Nick didn't discuss details of the incident, but instead took something she specifically said and discuss the ideas behind it. Wow, that was a run on sentence. It all had to do with freedom of speech and being told by "certain sisters" that freedom of speech does not apply to us in the dorms at ISU. If we wanna use our freedom of speech, then use it in our speech classes to get a good grade. Sounds fascists to me too


Well, next week is the Ted birthday bash, so watch out!!!


"Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic Applause"



***The running time for Theatre of Ted was 1 hour 40 minutes***



List of Performance Pieces (in order of performance)


(There were a total of 10 performance pieces at Ted)


PBS Presents

Shake N' Bake

Angels in America 3: (insert non-sequiter here)

International White Guy Dance Off

Corporate Whores

It's the News

Jared Becomes a Man

Georgette, the French Foreign Exchange Student

An Emo Poem




And the ballots are in.......



Performance Piece(s) of the Week


It's The News, w/ Jeff & Caitlyn



Performer(s) of the Week


Caitlyn Barlow



WoW MoM moment of the week


During It's the News when Geano got "squirted" with Vaseline lotion during a "demonstration" of sorts on how to apply the lotion.