Theatre of TED

September 21, 2002



List of performers


Dan Huffines----Cassie Vlahos----Pete Guither

Chris Weise----Keith Nadel----Matt Russell

Rico Natale----Jared Winkler----Brian Clouthier

Ricky Rodriguez----Nick Izzo----Betsy Beams

Mike Schmeck----Nick Lamb----Becky Kuzar

Dan Radcliff----Maren Brucker----Joel

                                John Leaget


(Italics denotes a new performer at TED)


19 performers at this weeks installment of Ted


Total Attendance


Okay, so we'll have to wait till next week for the magic number 100, but a good turn out of 71, that grew as the night went on and most of all who stayed throughout the entire evening!



Personal Note


Okay, so I'm putting a note here again and I've decided that if I have a need to say something or if the spirit moves me, I'll put something in here. This week, I just wanted to point out something that was evident this week at Ted, and that's the number of female performers. This past week it had been brought to my attention about the number, or lack thereof, of female performers at Ted. So this week, for the first time I really started to notice that trend, and a couple of days later it was time for Ted, and there were actually 3 piece blocks of all women performances. I thought it was great, hope to see more, and hopefully it'll become a trend.


AGAIN, in the spirit of Improv, I will not be proofreading this

edition of Host Notes (Lazy Ass!)



Notes from TED

“Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic Applause”


The first piece of the night, entitled "Sweetest Day," in reference to the upcoming Hallmark holiday, came to an abrupt end as Dale Stocktone interrupted by taking center stage and killing the "mood" by flipping the lights. He then called out Archie Nun in an attempt to gain retribution for last years beating that took place. In that Dale took the worst of it and wanted the chance to even the score. Dale ranted and still no Archie….But wait a minute!! The music, the crowd, the spectacle….The immortal one…Hulk Hogan!


Hogan comes down and stares Dale down into a sitting position…so much for that show of power. As Hogan cuts a promo and gives the host a kudos (Thanks Hulk!), he is interrupted by The One, Archie Nun. As Archie makes his way to confront Hogan, he is nearly ambushed by Dale, but Dale is instead met with a well timed cookie sheet. Dale then lays unconscious for his effort as Hogan and Archie nearly come to blows. Before they can get into an impromptu match at the start of Ted they are separated and a match is made between the two for later that evening at Ted. They agree to hold off until then consummate the first ever match of the Ted Wrestling Federation (TWF) with a stare down at center stage.


Nick Lamb came up, a little under the weather this week….BUT still at Ted!!! Nick's awesome! In the evening he had two "Quotes", the first of which dealt with staying on the same track in life and the later (at about the 2 hour 20 minute mark), which was, I believe was inspired by Tom Pleviak(?) and goes a little like this "If there are no Protagonists, the antagonist sets through the whole show staring."


Pete Guither returned this week, with a piece entitled DEA (Drug Enforcement Administration?)…nope, try Dangerous Evil Assholes instead. Pete discussed some of the key players in the agency, including Asa Hutchinson, John Walters and John Ashcroft. Some of the major issues dealt with in this piece included this agencies marketing campaigns and the types of amount of money that is put behind the "goals" of this agency. FYI: Did you know that the annual budget for 1 fiscal year of the DEA is equivalent to what the Federal Government gives over a 10 year period to the arts! Also touched on was a very newsworthy issue that was dealt with in California last week. The main issue is the conflicting statutes on what the federal and state governments allow in terms of marijuana being available for terminally ill patients. If you had never heard of this issue before, then hopefully you were enlightened…and also, pick up a newspaper or watch CNN once in a while (That last part was my sentiments, not necessarily Pete Guithers).


Matt Russell shared with us a dramatic reading, that featured a Scientologists approach to a romance novel. The piece started off missing something…..aahhhh…1970's style porn set the mood, which Matt cued and then went into his reading…if you know anything about Scientology, then you may have an idea were it went. If you don't, then here's just a sample:


(Paraphrasing, of course)

"As he looked longingly to his partner wife, who was laying on the resting bed, he said that he cherish-loved her."


And that's all you get…mainly because I can't do it justice at all…..


Betsy Beams returned this week with a piece that helped to explain here whereabouts last weekend….The piece you ask? Betsy's Class Reunion. This was extremely well written and was presented from the standpoint of a Star Trek Captain…The entire weekend was divided into sections, each of which started with the popular phrase, "Captain's Log…" Good stuff…


Kuzar introduced a new concept called Games from our Youth. The idea is simple. Often times as we get older, we stop playing some of the most fun games that we participated in as children. With a promise of more to come at future Ted's, the introductory game for this week, was the Piñata. Becky mounted down the big yellow smiley face (full of candy) on the table and then shattered it in one swift swing of the softball bat……to the delight of all…you people (some of you) really like candy…Damn!


Dan Radcliff returned with a new installment of Master Pipe Theatre. Allister Bates took time out from the "Celebrities Sing Broadway Hits" Telethon to bring you a special message about donations that he is accepting and the lovely "hand-crafted" gifts that he will dispense for your generosity. After the plug, he gave a taste (a good one at that) of the celebrities singing Broadway classics…Examples: Aaaaarnold doing the title track from "Hello Dolly," Bob Dillon blaring "What a Beautiful Morning," a song by Sean Connery.


Maren returned to performing at Ted by bringing in A Little Prose. The piece was from the approach of a girl who had confessed her true feelings of love for a man. The piece came across as very personal and had deep insight into the type of situation that most people are confronted with at some point in their lives. Very well written and insightful.


Cassie Vlahos presented The debut of Luke. Luke, the name of her guitar, was seeing his first performance in front of more than 3 people. This was great, and with the exception of me asking everyone to stand and then start clapping, this was the first standing ovation of the semester, and is one of the few that I've seen as host. Great job on the playing, singing…..everything in fact: And here's what the judges say…





(F#ck the French!)


The Bastard Mine (Brian Clouthier) made it work and without a word…but then again he's supposed to, he's a mime people! But seriously, it was funny as hell…This is one (well, really they all are) of the things you just have to see. But I will share that his shirt read "Help Retarded Children." Let the imagination go from there.


Matt Russell gave everyone the chance to Challenge the Shakespearean Scholar. On the idea that this "scholar" could read anything from any Shakespearean play or sonnet and understand it completely…every word, every intention and every action he challenged the crowd to call out a page number as a test for his wit. Several numbers called out, but ah, 513 was heard(?) above all others. As the scholar became seated, he started to read and show emotion as he sat and silently read to himself. Classic.


There were 2 videos shown at Ted this week…the first was written by Enrico, Jared and Ricky, and the second was presented by Dan Radcliff. The first was about Herbert (Rico Natale), and about how this un-cool wannabe comes to terms with…oh never mind. The second video had a mission impossible theme to it with homosexual overtones, both were funny as hell! Instead of reviewing videos here, I choose to actually watch them and enjoy them at Ted, instead of taking notes in the dark. I do suggest, however, that if you're interest in seeing some funny stuff, talk with any of the people mentioned above and beg them to give you a peak…if you pay them they may let you watch them…kidding, of course, but it would be worth it…


Kuzar brought to us another song. This time with a dedication, to Erin, who she had met the night before at Thom's Jammy-Jam. Erin is a big fan of Kuzars songs, and had payed compliment the night before. Kuzar said Erin was a cool person, and I also had the pleasure of meeting Erin at Thom's and must agree….maybe we'll see her perform at Ted sometime in the future….


I decided to bring back a piece that I did at the re-birth of Ted, last February 2nd…it was entitled "Reclaim the Darkness"…basically it's a male take of "Take back the Night"..har har..


Joel, A FRSHMAN (Yes, Virginia, they do exist!) made his Ted debut with an original song entitled "The One." Very solid debut! Joel has been to the past couple of Ted's and got up and did a great job in performing this song that he wrote.


Rico, Jared & Ricky performed "Three Stories Up." I had no idea at the time, but later found out that whole piece was Improved. There were some things that should've cued me into this, but hey I'm slow, what can I say. It was high energy and entertaining all around. I really admire/envy people who can do Improv well…..hats off guys!


Nick Izzo reprised the character of Professor Johansen (seen at the last Ted of last spring), this time coming back off of a long sabbatical for being ousted from education for drunkenness and nudity in the classroom….administrators just don't understand..but I digress. Johansen is now only allowed to teach renegade students on Saturday nights at midnight…hhhmmm, what a coincidence, but I like it!!


Magic for Stupid People showed how some of the masses can be easily entertained through simple "magic(?)" Here, Matt Russell proceeded to have a piece of paper with the word "Magic" on it. He slowly tore it apart and magically made it come together…I still don't know how he did it. This piece also marked the debut (I believe) of John Legeat as a Ted performer! Hey, chalk one up for the good guys.


Mike Schmeck gave us an update on his bid to quit smoking and also gave out an encouraging challenge that I thought was important. He wants (as do we all) to see new performers at Ted. If you notice, we're getting about 1-3 new performers a week, and it'd be nice for some people to seize the moment, explore the opportunity…whatever makes you get up and perform.


And now, the first ever-sanctioned match of the TWF (Ted Wrestling Federation), pitting Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Archie Nun. The match started out with some solid moves, and even featured a Pildriver (By Chris) reversed into a Hurricurrana (By Keith). The crowd was really into the match by this point with several chants for both Hogan and Archie and even an all out mixed chant for both. Hogan hit the big boot and leg drop, but only got a 2 count…some would even say there was a slow count there, but that's not me, cuz I'm a Broadcast Journalist…..and back to the action…After the near fall, the 2 got hold of wooden poles and fought it out until Archie used a rapier to stab the immortal one, which was enough to keep him down for the count…And the winner is: Archie Nun. After the match, Dale Stocktone leapt from the crowd, with a steel pan in hand and nailed Archie with it…to no effect, however. Dale was persistent with more shots, but they didn't phase The One-Archie Nun. Archie proceeded to lay out dale again to leave Hogan and Stocktone laying out for the count. Thank you for watching Saturday Nights Main…errr, I mean Theatre of Ted. Drive safely, or walk barely.



“Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic Applause”


***The running time for Theatre of Ted was 2 hours and 40 minutes***




List of Performance Pieces (in order of performance)


Sweetest Day

Dale Stocktone--Hulk Hogan--Archie Nun

Quote by Nick Lamb

DEA--(Dangerous, Evil Assholes)

Matt Russell w/ a Dramatic Reading

Betsy's Class Reunion

Games from our Youth

Master Pipe Theatre

A Little Prose

Debut of Luke

The Bastard Mime

Challenge the Shakespearean Scholar

Video by: Enrico, Jared & Ricky

Kuzar w/a song

Quote by Nick Lamb

Reclaim the Darkness

Joel w/a song called "The One"

3 Stories Up

A Lecture from Professor Johansen

Dan Radcliff w/a video

Magic for the Stupid

Mike w/an update

TWF match--Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Archie Nun



(There were a total of 23 performance pieces at Ted)



And the ballots are in…….


Performance Piece(s) of the Week


TWF match--Hollywood Hulk Hogan vs. Archie Nun


3 Stories Up


Performer of the Week


Cassie Vlahos



WoW MoM moment of the week


Dan Radcliff, as Aaaaaarnooooold, singing Hello Dolly