Theatre of TED

September 14, 2002



List of performers


Dan Huffines----Cassie Vlahos----Scott Rosen

Chris Weise----Keith Nadel----Matt Russell

Rico Natale----Jared Winkler----Brian Clouthier

Ricky Rodriguez----Nick Izzo----Sandi

Mike Schmeck----Nick Lamb----Becky Kuzar

Kenny Metroff----Beth Weise


(Italics denotes a new performer at TED)


17 performers at this weeks installment of Ted


Total Attendance


Attendance on Saturday night reached 91. Much like last week I say "reached," but hey at least I can proudly say that we're not reaching! That's 3 times in the 90's…can we get 100, pleeeeease!!



Personal Note


This is NOT a new section…I intend only to use it here this week, but if it's warranted, I may do it more in the future..but I'm gonna go balls up here and say that the first 45 minutes of Ted was the Best 45 minute block of Ted that I have seen…ever…Agree, disagree..or e-mail me with thoughts on that statement, but my opinion comes from the fact that it was good energy, good variety, good time length on pieces that also complimented each other well….IMODO it was just damn good!!


BTW, in the spirit of Improv, I will not be proofreading this

edition of Host Notes (Lazy Ass!)



Notes from TED


“Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic Applause”



Well, sorry to say, that's pretty much all the show that we have for you tonight….


Just kidding…


Lights off, silence, then noise…or was it the other way around? But what I really wonder is who's hand is that?! Enough about the crowd though. Light (only1) on as Cassie and Dan enter, still dressed from the cocktail party and obviously fighting about something. Back and forth as they argue about him dancing with another girl, but the issue wasn't the dancing, or the girl he was dancing with, but the song that they danced too. Cassie puts things away and heads off to bed as Dan tries to defend himself: "When did I loose say in what our song was anyway? Maybe Richard Marx doesn't make me feel the same way as he did in high school!" Cassie's reply: "Well, since you still act like you did in high school, I thought you'd still like the song! I'll throw you a pillow." (Here we get a nice OOOHHHH from the crowd). Dan feels threatened and upset with himself for screwing up and plans an apology. He gets her out there, she's already gotten ready for bed, and after his apology, asks her to close her eyes. She's hesitant for a moment (due to innuendo reasons), but does, as he makes sure the candles are lit, he puts on music (Garth Brooks': Every Woman), and asks her if he can have this dance…..They dance…..As the music ends she says: "C'mon, let's go to bed"…Exit….


Crowd seemed into it, or at least some of them did, as John Legeat proclaimed: I wanna have your baby Dan! (something to that effect).


Next up the Sugar Creek Boys (Scott R., Chris W. & Keith N.) came up to share with the good old hometown sound of "The Moose Song." I think the crowd got into this one more than anything of the night, but it was a sing along to. Sing a longs are tricky, because the crowd has to want to participate and if they go through the motions, you can tell and it comes off as flat. That WAS NOT the case here, the song was great and everyone really had a good time with it. I think what topped it off was the energy, which was extremely evident at the end, when Scott Rosen really got the crowd into the whole song by rocking out to the chorus…I think it was the last couple of chorus's that really put it over the top as excellent.


Matt Russell offered a challenge to people who want to perform at Ted that if they want, they should experiment with doing short scenes and stuff of that nature. He loves skits, as we all do, but wanted to encourage those who want to, to use the forum of Theatre of Ted to explore things that they may want to try.


Rico & Jared returned this week, with Yet Another Scene. I believe that this one was titled "Fatal Beating" by: Roan Atkinson. It was a scene between the Dean of a school, and a father who had come in regards to his son. It seems that the mans son had been beat to death because he was sneaking books from the library. The father and the Dean where upset about the entire incident, but for obviously different reasons. Although, the Dean felt the beating was justified and the outrage was the actions of the student.


Next up we had a guest musician who was introduced by Ricky Rodriguez. In his introduction of the special guest, we did learn a little bit more about Ricky…it seems that he has some Spanish descent in him…who knew? The name of the special guest was Luis-Sanchez-Alajandra...something or other, portrayed by Brian Clouthier. He sang a favorite Spanish Folk song, known to many throughout the Spanish speaking world…..actually it was a cover of N*Syncs: "Bye Bye Bye" This was probably the funniest thing I saw all week long. Brian's costume even looked like a Spanish Pop-Singer.


Nick Izzo returned with some new original written work, this piece being called Good Old Mike. What's great is the subtlety of the humor in this piece while hearing a genuine look at human interaction. Not to give away too much detail but it was great when Nick read about how his friend Mike had been arrested, because there was car parked in his space, that had the windows smashed out, was heavily vandalized and was gratified with the words "Don't park in my f***ing parking place!!!" Great stuff!

Kemp made his Ted debut and pulled form his bag a Spri…eeerrr: Upon Further Review, instant replay has revealed that it's…. a Mellow Yellow!!! Kemp was going to share a couple of reading's tonight wth us. The first was coming from a book entitled "Drinking, Smoking & Screwing." Tonight we would be focusing on the screwing section of this classic piece of literature. The other reading came from his diary. It covered the difficulties in caring for someone much older. I'll give you a sample:

(Note: this is paraphrased and is not from Keith Nadals Actual Text)


Day 1: I've come to see my dying aunt. There's a lady setting across the street, just looking at me.


Day 2: I didn't wanna talk about anything depressing

today, so we just talked about dying.


Day 3: My pants are getting wrinkled…what am I gonna wear to her funeral


Day 31: That woman from day 1 is still setting there, looking at me…..I wonder "who's her taxidermist."


Mike took stage next in an attempt to take better care of himself. He said that he wants to quit smoking and is using Ted as his forum to help him do that. If anyone catches him smoking, then they can come to the next Ted and have a publicly embarrassing punishment for him. But there are 3 rules:

1)    It can't be illegal.

2)    It can't send him to the hospital.

3)    It can't hurt him in the groin region.


Nick & Ricky had a drum-off. Nice to see the drums back at Ted. I kept having flashbacks to dueling banjos. But hey, what do I know….


Matt & Rico presented Breaking the Silence Part 1. Again, a silent scene, with Matt and Rico looking as though they are watching TV and Matt keeps laughing and getting pissed when Rico doesn't laugh. Finally Rico 'Breaks the silence" with "can we finally turn the TV on?!"


Kuzar came back with another singing piece…this time with help from Nick Lamb (on drums). This piece included a drum solo by Nick and the always-appreciated vocals from Kuzar…BTW, Loved the hat!


Kenny Metroff made his return to Theatre of Ted, and even though he did turn down the audience request for a treasure trail detour guided tour, he did present some thing that he liked, a children's book. You see, Kenny worked over the summer as a counselor with children and during that he has read many books to kids and he has always seen the "twinkle in their eyes" when a book comes to life (no pun intended…err future pun, you'll get it in a second.) Like a good counselor, he had stolen a book, so that he could present to the class here at Ted. The name of the book: Lifetimes: The Beautiful way to Explain Death to Children (now, do you get the pun?). What ensued was a reading of a modern philosophical approach to explaining the process of death to those who may be too young to fully comprehend it….did you get all that? If so, e-mail me and explain it back, cuz I'm just reading off the card….I kid, I kid!!


Scotty D. & Matty R., with assistance from Beth Weise, did a scene that they called Those Delightful Debutantes. They played 2 men in bar when Matt recognizes that Scott may be someone who he had made a trade for crack-cocaine with a couple of years earlier. Matt kept up his questioning and Scott had met every one of Matt's questions until Matt said: "I distinctly remember you saying that you'd let me have your bitch for a rock of crack." Scott: "Ah! There you have it. I don't refer to my bitches as such, I call them Ho-Ma's" Now since that was settled, Scott asked he Matt would like a ride on his Ho-Ma in exchange for a martini. Affirmative, and check please!


Nick Lamb came up with Bringing back the Old. I have a number of notes taken from what he said, and I think I approached it wrong as a viewer. I went in with a mindset that it would be a few minutes long so that is what I mentally prepared myself for. Mistake, and that's only a bad thing on my part. I think Nick has a very solid foundation for a really good half-hour (maybe more?) stand up act. It had a definite theme and things tied together nicely. It took me a few minutes, but I really got into it.


Sandi performed her first of 2 songs tonight with I Come to You. This was done in a more natural style, and also had an inspiration based in waitressing, much like her piece last week, but was done in such a way that it didn't have to be blatant in telling that it was about waitressing. IMODO that's what makes certain songs intelligent….the fact that they describe the emotion and do not rely solely on the situations and circumstances that occurred to lead to that state. The latter song, entitled When I was in Love, was in the form of rap style.


Do you ever see a television show that doesn't quite have a final episode? Does that ever bug the hell out off you? Me too…imagine how the actors must feel…


With that being said, I feel that there is humor in all things in life…life itself, death, paying taxes, not paying taxes…even Pedophilia…..


(X-files music)….Older sat in his office and made his final journal entry into…………The Pedo-Files….Schoolee had been apprehended and was now living in the witness protection program under the assumed name of Hannah Ferdinand, in the Chicago area. In order to hide himself Older writes that he must go into hiding himself and that dealing with children is illegal….however, having sex with young farm animals is legal..well at least in 4 states in the deep south….There are those who will try to stop him..they are called PETA: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. He promises to "The Underground" that he will vanish while setting the foundation for The PETA-files. CAN YOU SAY SPINOFF!!--nah, me neither. (X-files music starts)..but wait, it's interrupted with more thoughts….Older needs a change of music more appropriate for his new mission….(Bad Touch--Bloodhound gand….which BTW, has an X-files reference in it…yay, we all win)…enter the inflatable goat and there you have The Final Episode. I promise….


Matt & Rico broke the silence again in part 2, with Matt setting at the table spoon feeding himself and Rico looking on disgusted…the obvious question would be:_____…..I SAID!! The obvious question would be: "What was he eating?!!" Thanks for chiming in everyone…(No offense, I just had to make sure you people were still awake)……back to the question of the moment of course:


Answer: This is what Matt was eating during the Breaking the Silence Part 2..

Contestant number 3: "What is Pussy, Alex"


correct! For $500…


Dan & Benny presented a video that was well, good. Not in a surprising turn of course, it just makes me realize how much I have to learn (basically everything) in making films. I really enjoyed it though and it's one of the few times that I actually laugh out loud at short films that people I know make. It was set up like a television interview segment and went on many detours like a mandatory….commercial break at about 4:20, and a subsequent trip to LaBamaba's…Never before have I had LaBamba's so prevalent in my weekend….but that's another story. Good stuff from Dan & Benny though.


Mike gave a insight into "Ricky's Stoned Philosophy"…

Ricky: What did they make balloon elephants out of before they had balloons?

Did they use human intestines? Could they have?


Scene from a marker board: (writing) "Dear Lee…it's 8am and I am eating a juicy nectarine…then you come into my head…" Followed up by what are the usual pleasantries….if you'd like to know what they are then come Ted dammit!


“Theatre of Ted, Enthusiastic Applause”



***The running time for Theatre of Ted was 2 hours and 45 minutes***




List of Performance Pieces (in order of performance)


A Song is but a Song…

"Sugar Creek Boys" w/a Song

Matt w/a Challenge

Rico & Jared w/Yet Another Scene

Special Guest Musician

Good Old Mike


Mike Takes Care of Himself

Nick & Ricky Drum-off

Breaking the Silence, Part 1

Kuzar with: White Girls Can Sing the Blues

Kenny Metroff

Scotty D. & Matty R. in: Those Delightful Debutantes

Nick Lamb: Bringing Back the Old

Sandi performing: I Come to You

The Final Episode

Breaking the Silence, Part 2

Dan & Benny w/a Video

Mike with: Ricky's Stoned Philosophy

Scene from a Marker Board

Sandi performing: When I was in Love


(There were a total of 21 performance pieces at Ted)




And the ballots are in…….


Performance Piece(s) of the Week


Sugar Creek Boys" w/a Song



Performer of the Week


Brian Clouthier



WoW MoM moment of the week


That Kenny Metroff's book is actual legitimate literature for kids